Friday Night Smackdown hopping time! Shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– This semi-new call sign at the start still doesn’t sit with me right… then into the Green Day which I am shocked has not changed yet… albeit, one change will likely happen shortly cough… cough… Cameron… cough.

– Sheamus begins the show with a kiss-ass segment to HHH’s fake retirement tease on Monday. LOL. VERY SINCERE. Fortunately unmixed strawberry yogurt is interrupted by Damien Sandow who runs down the champ for being ignorant and that HHH and DX beat him down on the 1000th episode of RAW. Sandow makes a lot of sense calling Sheamus out for being a stereotype of the Irish, but of course Sheamus tells him off with elementary bully level comebacks. Booker T makes this match official even though Sandow declined Sheamus’ offer.

Best Story Ever?

– * Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes. Cole does good bringing up that it was Mysterio who injured the face of Rhodes years ago, forcing him to wear a protective mask for a spell. Nice attention to detail. This match gets a good amount of time, and as a result is worth a look. Our climax has Mysterio drop kick the feet of a running Rhodes, causing him to fall into position for the 619. But Rhodes catches Rey before he connects, and a reversal rollup allows Rey to pick up the win! Rhodes beats down Rey post match, but Sin Cara makes the save. To top it off, Sin Cara puts one of HIS masks on Rhodes as a form of humiliation.

I guess Little Jimmy is a Republican?

– Eve Torres joins commentary to comment about commenting, and it commences. She talks about something, I guess. Sounds like FFW to me.

– * Kaitlyn vs. Natalya. Nattie is in full-on-heel mode here, and is demanding respect as she ragdolls Kaitlyn’s upper lip around the ring. Then she stretches’ AJ Lee’s former bestie. It’s not a bad little match, and both women are convincing wrestlers. So that’s good. Short, though, as Kaitlyn ekes out a rollup win and bails away from the angry Calgarian.

– Matt Striker talks to Booker about AJ Lee’s unwarranted attack on Vickie on Monday. Booker thinks AJ has overstepped her role making the career match between Ziggler and Jericho, and then attacking Vickie. Enter Vickie, who is planning on taking action for the assault and has consulted the WWE Board of Directors about this.

Charles Barkley @G: “Check me out! I’m singing some Boys II Men, G!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Ahh, yes the ode of the Hardy Boyz”

– * World Champion Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow. Sandow is fantastic in the bout, and takes it to the champ (who of course can’t sell for him, as per usual). And that, my friends, is why this is a good thing. He’s being elevated into the title picture! He beats down the Irishman, telling him audibly in a loud voice to “Just quit.” The two trade attacks, until Sandow is taught how to count by Sheamus for a near fall. Sandow rolls out of the ring multiple times, but it plays to his favor, allowing him to dodge a near-Brogue Kick. Sandow tosses Sheamus into the side of the ring and runs the fuck out of Dodge! TEN COUNT WIN FOR SHEAMUS. Not a definitive win, and Sandow still looks strong. He took it to the champ, he didn’t want this match in the first place, and he uses his intelligence to beat up Sheamus and still get out while the getting out was good.

Fuck you up, he will.

– * The Prime Time Players vs. Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd. The first time we’ve really seen the Gabriel/Kidd tandem on significant WWE programming. I like the potential of this team a lot. The Usos pop up in a picture-in-picture Tout and say “Uso” a lot. Great. This match is a little short for my liking, but does showcase all four men involved. The high fliers gets some great moves in, but it’s their risk taking that ultimately causes them the loss and allows Darren Young to make the pin for the win for his team. Again, worth a watch.

– Del Rio raves on the microphone pre-match about tapping out the most boring man in the world, Randall Keith Orton. Josh Mathews questions how ADR has a chance at Sheamus, even though he has lost to him everytime. ADR notes how Kane tossed away Mathews like a piece of trash, and threatens to do that right now. Hit Kane’s fireworks.

Obama certainly was on reddit. For realz! Kayfabe!

– * Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio. ADR is facing the Sharing and Caring champion of the IWC (this week). Kane certainly shares a plethora of ramshackle offense to start this thing off. Kane pretty much dominates, until he attacks Ricardo Rodriguez for some reason… allowing ADR to attack from behind with a Codebreaker and capture a pin and the win. KANE IS PISSED. So naturally he goes after Josh Mathews, tosses him around, apologizing all the while. Chokeslam! And begrudgingly he calls for his post match pyro.

– Mikey! Cole! returns to tell us Josh Mathews is dead again, and his corpse was airlifted out of the arena and shot into the sun. Well, he was helped to the back by WWE officials, but I kind of like my version better.

TWITTAH TIME WITH KEVIN NASH!

Nerd wins!

– * Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler. This should be better, because at the end of the day, Orton is a pretty safe worker and Ziggler is a bumping machine, but damn it’s feels slow. I check my DVR, nope only 6 minutes of 10 left… no overrun on Smackdown. Orton is really taking his time… fuck…. me… Even Vickie seems more agitated than normal. The crowd is all over this shit, and sadly it’s because of the Viper. I completely lose my train of thought, have to rewind and sadly sit through the rest. Ziggler misses with a Zig Zag, and falls into an RKO. Orton wins.

– Whatever, this was overall a solid show. Just keep in mind I didn’t even bother mentioning that they reaired all three of Daniel Bryan/Kane Anger Management segments and HHH’s fake retirement spot. You should skip those.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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