I am still off on my own adventures at the moment. So why not join Sandy Toaster Pants for some fun. This is the fourth episode in the series. If you need to catch up hit the archives under the fiction category. There you can find the first three episodes

Sorry for the lack of updates to this little saga involving a man with toasters on his pants. Truth is told I really didn’t have enough amusing things from daily life to influence the story. I have also decline to add cunts and shit stains I see on the internet as they just don’t make good fodder. On top of that I just go lazy, but I have cobbled together another Toaster Pant’s episode which you lucky people can read after the jump.

Our hero had been given twenty four hours to think over his choice to pay for his trespass offense. He finally decided washing the ninjas was the better of two shitty alternatives and asked to be taken to Rhoda. The skimmer witch seemed pleased with his choice and he was immediately taken to a room to be put into a hazmat suit for the job.

Mister Toaster Pant’s was pleased with this, as water and toasters don’t mix well. Unless your aim is to murder strudel thieves, then it works quite well.

He was taken down to the river and given a wash board and a rock. One by one he bathed the nasty little ninjas. It took the better part of a day as the ninjas numbered well over two hundred. Our hero preserved even though the ninja’s tended to pee wildly as a celebration of being clean. The longer he went the more the hazmat suit made sense even beyond the water issue. Between the ninja pee and the fact that they smelled like an average comic con attendee he was happy to have it.

Once he finished the ninja hose job he was taken before Rhoda one last time. She thanked him for being so polite about his chore and gave him two things before he was allowed to leave and travel through her land. The first was a weapon of awesome might called the noodle tube. Rhoda explained that the mountain rabbits hated the noodle tube as it was considered a cheap weapon. She told him this weapon alone should allow him safe passage through the rock candy mountains. Mister Toaster Pant’s was told that after crossing her domain and the mountains the village of bread midgets was on the other side. She also asked him to carry a batch of fertility test results to the village.

As he left the witch’s home and began his travels the ninjas all waved and wished him well some even followed him for several miles assuring him that they were the only thing he would encounter until the mountains. That night our hero made it to the base of the rock candy mountains. He decided to sleep there as the trek through the rabbit filled mountains would take some time. As he drifted off to sleep our hero wondered what could possibly be so terrible about the mountain rabbits.

The dawn woke our hero cold and slightly leery of the days travel. He slowly and cautiously crept in to the mountains watching for any sign of these rabbits. He had made it a couple miles when suddenly a large horde of rabbits spawned from the very air. Our hero was quite frightened at the sudden appearance of so many of them at once. They seemed to be warping from rock to rock with great speed. Remembering the Rhoda’s words Mister Toaster Pant’s unsheathed the noodle tube and fired the odd weapon. Miraculously all of the rabbits warping around the rocks suddenly died at the same time. The air filled with screams of the cheap weapon is upon us and damn that whore I was behind cover for fucks sake.

Our hero for his part started running and firing the weapon at the same time finally taking up a position in a cave with only one entrance. As he sat there watching the door for rabbits he had a choice. He could either camp here until all the rabbits were dead or make a mad dash further up the mountains. Either way he was in for a long day with the warping rabbits and you should join us next time to see what Mister Sandy Toaster Pant’s decides to do.