Ahh, Friday is here… and thereby another neglected edition of Smackdown comes with it. Over the last number of months since RAW became SUPER, Smackdown has been… well… basically Superstars. Will that change tonight? Only one way to find out. Let’s hop to it, shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– WWE essentially validates my points by starting off with Cena, Laurinaitus, and Big Show clips from Over the Limit and RAW last Monday. This isn’t even Thunder, god dammit. Smackdown is becoming an infomercial for RAW… I go check the NHL results, and am mildly happy New Jersey won, eliminating the Rangers from the playoffs. Only mildly because it means I have a chance in my playoff pool to still win, but saddened I will not get hockey on Sunday (unless the NHL pulls the trigger early). See WWE, that’s what happens when you replay shit, minds wander….

Sometimes when reviewing wrestling, I wish this happened to me…

– Eve Torres is out (no suspension for this Torres). She is rocking her whorish librarian look once again. Johnny is off tripping, or something, and will not be here tonight… so Eve is the boss. Sheamus is to issue a public apology for bumping into John last Monday (even though John is not here, nor will it take place on RAW even though Big Show had to do this). She is interrupted by Alberto Del Rio who panders to her as beautiful and smart, wanting to be the Champ’s next opponent at whatever the fuck the next PPV is. Naturally, Orton must interject himself wanting that same position, but he panders to the crowd. Out next? Kane. He thinks it should be him, since he has nothing better to do and also tonight is Smackdown episode 666. Eve makes a Triple Threat Match.

I always mark out for Ninja like shit.

– * Non-Title Match: Christian {C} vs. Hunico. I would think the outcome is pretty obvious here, regardless of the fact Comacho is at ringside. 3 minutes or so, Killswitch… Christian wins. Out comes Cody Rhodes to cut a promo about how his efforts holding the title brought credibility back to the title listing names like Macho Man, Steamboat, etc. And that nobody cares about Christian, rather more about his own run. We’ll get a rematch, and I can’t say I mind that at all. I don’t think I buy into Rhodes’ argument (is the IC title really credible again?), but appreciate the attention towards it.

Charles Barkley @G: “Did you hear what I said on Tuesday during the Heat game, G? Didja hear that honkey? See, I’m a heel commentator.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Nah, I was watching the Coyotes/Kings game. NHL > NBA. Deal with it, Chuck.”

– * The Usos vs. Titus O’Neal and Darren Young. Again? Of course, who else are these guys going to wrestle? The division is getting slightly bigger, but this tandem has been pretty slick. The match itself is fairly quick paced, but not too heavy on high spots, so when we get them, they mean something. Big thumbs up from me for that. Titus and Young pull out a win and do a little jig post match.

– Sin Cara returns next week, or so they say. Shades of Brodeus Clay.

Shark swimming with dolphins? Do scuba dudes count? They do? Sweet.

– * Ryback vs. Brian Edwards/Kevin Bendl. The two are in the ring cutting the typical jobbers for Ryback. This match will be a non-tag handicap match. Ryback’s music cuts them off. Ryback is sporting a very obvious black eye, as well. House show injury, I’m sure. This two on one shit doesn’t fly with Ryback, so he stacks both men on top of each other and slams them both. Your winner, the fans. No one back stage was watching (thank god they dropped that part of the gimmick).

Antonio Cesaro vs. Tyson Kidd from this week’s Superstars. This move is epic!

– * Non-Title Match: Santino {C} vs. Ricardo Rodriguez. You know what? I AM looking forward to this match. We’ve rarely seen Rodriguez in action, and I can’t recall the last match he’s officially been in. This stems from Santino’s interruption on RAW, when he taught Ricardo how to roll his “R’s.” I learned that skill in elementary school choir. If I remember, I’ll do it on BWF Radio 24 this Sunday. It’s easy. Pure comedy gold. Ricardo is wearing a suit, not ring gear. He jumps clear over Santino, then unnecessarily runs the ropes as Santino just watches. AIRPLANE SPIN!!! Santino rolls outside, under the ring, and pops out the other side with his Cobra…. SNEAK ATTACK! Santino lands his gloved-finish, match over. Short + funny = AWESOME!

No comment. Don’t bother with the trashcan either, RVD and Sabu had an Extreme Reunion of their own. Yes, they smokes the tin.

– Sheamus wants to be serious for a minute, fella. Lance Storm immediately files for gimmick infringement. He begins to apologize to Johnny Ace for running into him, and calls it “accidently on purpose.” That being impossible, actually. Then he starts to actually apologize as the crowd boos. He then says he apologizes for Ace for being an “arse” and proceeds to run down Otunga, Big Show, and all the other cronies. He says if he had his way, he’d face Orton. Enter Vickie Guerrero. She wants a legit apology, excuse me, etc. That doesn’t happen, so…

Yeah, it might not have anything to do with this review… but it’s pretty epic regardless.

– * Non-Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Jack Swagger. How many of you remember Swagger is a former champion? Probably most of you, because you’re smarks and internet savvy. The normal folk, not so much. The San Jose Shark, Swagger makes his way down and it’s go time. In the back of my mind, I’m thinking this could be a good match. But it’s WAY back there, and I’m way too lazy to get up and walk down the miles of boxes and filing cabinets, well past the Ark of the Covenant, to find that information for you. Sheamus looks to pick up an early win, but ol’ Swags gets out of it as we head to commercial. Perhaps I am mistaken? About the length of the match (not the outcome, come on people!)

Any move that takes a long time to set up is subject to drop kicks.

– We return to a battle of sorts. The two beat the living shit out of each other, to an extent of a potential double count of 10. Sheamus looks worn, and Swagger won’t give up? NICE! This match isn’t over yet, and I recommend a look if you have some time. About time. Sheamus still launches a Brogue Kick for a pin, but Swagger looks great in the finish. 🙂

I was hoping Heath Slater would be on the show tonight, so I could use this. I know, I can’t believe I said I hope he’d be on the show, either.

– * Damien Sandow vs. Yoshi Tatsu. Tatsu wants revenge for last week. Will he get it? Nahh… not likely. Sandow cuts his usual multi-syllabic vernacular upon us, the unwashed masses, as his visceral banter diminishes the character and demeanor of said Yoshi Tatsu. Our FIRST official match starts and Tatsu immediately pins Baby into a corner, but no one puts Baby in a corner. Sandow tells the referee to do his job… and so he does. Then Sandow crushes Tatsu immediately, getting the pin and the win. Out of nowhere, Sandow does a cartwheel post match. WTF? I laughed my ass right off, went to the E.R., got it sewn back on, and laughed that fucker right off again!

See? It’s easy. Don’t be a retard and just draw an epic eye. LOL.

– The Big Show is angry now, but not that angry enough to not wear a suit, take his jacket off and sit down in a chair in the middle of the ring. He is justifying his actions. He loves what he does, and when he lost his job, he didn’t know what to do. He had no fiscal means to support his family, and had what he describes can be classified as a panic attack. Even the fans turned their backs on him, as well as all WWE staff. So he said fuck this noise, all his hard work was ignored so he sold out. Of course the crowd tells us that, because this is an epic promo. Go listen to it now. And Big Show gets the Line of the Night:

“When you’re drowning, do you really care where the life line comes from?”

– This segment has convinced me I came into this show too negative. Probably because RAW has been pretty bad lately. Not this episode. We’re not finished just yet, though. Regardless, this is why Show is one of the best promo men these days, especially when he is not blubbering for 15 minutes (and even THAT he did better than you’d expect). Show explains how everything was premeditated at the PPV last Sunday… it was a ruse for Cena. Great stuff, the crowd chants Cena like he’ll show up. Show puts over the No Way Out PPV match and goes full heel, a la corporation. Sure we’ve seen it before, but Show can act now.

After a brief moment of awkwardness, Orton realized THIS Slater was neither the Saved By The Bell Slater, nor the suicidal one who was not Jack Nicholson.. God forbid Orton would blow things up and make us care.

– Post Show segment, Kane enters to start his match… but Daniel Bryan attacks Kane with a steel chair as he enters the ring! WTF? Even Booker T’s non-reaction can ruin this. Why did this happen? Referees force the Dragon from the ring as we cut to Men in Black to the Future 3 ads. Don’t care about the movie, but wondering why the following just happened.

This picture is just too awesome for a smart-ass caption.

– Fuck, I have to wait until Friday until the NHL finals commence. At least I have the evening off. I smile, and it’s main event time?

– * Alberto Del Rio vs. Kane vs. Randy Orton. The three trade a lot of spots, in what ends up slow moving. I blame Kane and Orton for this. The former is getting on in age, and the latter has a slow methodical gimmick which stinks of boring… but you already knew that.

YES! I am sure this matchup sent the 10%’ers home slap happy.

– Nothing really happens before our first commercial break. During the break, Kane kicks Orton a couple times. Wow. Del Rio steps in and works Kane’s shoulder, then kicks Orton in another corner. YAWN. Lather, rinse, repeat. I can’t blame these guys for working a safe throw-away match, but at this point they shouldn’t be offended if don’t watch that same match. FFW time. Finhisher attempts are traded. Daniel Bryan reappears, distracting the Big Red Monster who chases him… but no count out. Bryan continues to taunt Kane with a chair in hand. This allows Orton to set up an RKO, but Del Rio steals the pin. Your number one contender? Alberto Del Rio, thank god.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.