-Can you smell it in the air?  It’s getting closer and closer.  WRUSSELMUNYA!  It’s the Go-Home RAW, and basically, the Go-Home show for what looks to be the BEST WrestleMania card, top to bottom, in a decade.  And tonight, we get THE Confrontation between The Rock, John Cena AND The Miz.  Does WWE knock this out of the park?  We shall see!

-RAW is in Chicago, and CM Punk is sitting in the ring, soaking in the adulation.  He calls Chicago “His People,” which gets an initial pop, until he explains that, by “His People,” they do HIS bidding, like The Nexus!  If you get hurt in the process, BIG DEAL!   Punk revels in his sick mind games with Randal K Orton, especially last week, when he lured Randy into a TRAP!  BUTWAIT!  Here’s Orton, with a heavily taped leg!  Randy gets the best of Punk, even hitting that SICK Rope-Assisted DDT.  But, as he goes to put the exclamation point on this beat down, and charges in for The Punt, randy’s bum leg gives out!  OH NOES!!  Punk strikes while the Iron is hot, and nails Randy in the head with the GTS.  This feud could not have been booked any better, guys.  I guarantee that this will be a contender for Match of the Night.

-Back from breaHOLY CRAP!  IT’S E&C!  One of the best tag teams of the New Millennium is back on RAW for the first time in six years, and they’re facing off against Alberto Del Rio and his Mohawked Walking Fridge, Brodus Clay.  BUTWAIT!  Edge and Alberto Del Rio aren’t allowed to touch each other, right?  Well, that was Teddy Long’s ruling, but since this ain’t SmackDown, that rule does not apply!  But, it’s all for not, as Edge doesn’t get a chance to get his hands on Del Rio, which is SMART booking.  Edge ends up spearing Brodus Clay, and WINNING TEH MATCH!  However, Del Rio ends up locking the ARMBAR DEL MUERTE on both E&C.  FUCKING smart booking.

-Somewhere in New Jersey, Snooki has taken Trish to a Douchebag Bar.  There’s bros EVERYWHERE!  Later on, Josh will have an Interview with Snooki.  I’m sure we’ll have some Jake Roberts-type shit, here.

-Sin Cara: THE VIDEO GAME!  Available at your local GameStop the day after WrestleMania!

-Back at Ringside, The GM has a message!  Michael Cole, the Paragon of  Tolerance, has learned his lesson about stepping out of his protective cube, and gets the e-mails on his iPad now!  Ugh.  The GM tells us that Jerry Lawler has a match tonight!  You know, to limber up for his epic Mania encounter with Michael Cole!  Jack Sthwagger vs. Jerry Lawler, later tonight!

-We’re back from commercial, and Herre’s The Corre!  Covered in Titles the WWE doesn’t care about!  As a late edition to ‘Mania, we have The Corre vs. Big Show/Kane and Eurotrash Superstar/Vladdy Kozlov.  Should be a decent filler, or at worst, an aptly-timed piss-break.  Eurotrash Superstar vs. Justin Gabriel, here, which, inevitably, turns into a Pier-6 brawl, and E-S nails the Cobra on Justin.  Post-match antics ensue!

-Have I mentioned how much I hate The Banjo-Pluckin’ Johnny Cash tune they make the Undertaker come out to?  Ugh.  Undertaker’s here to confront The H’s.  But, before anyone can say a word, some guy named Hickenbottom shows up unannounced!  Apparently, he didn’t want to miss this, so he decided to board a plane to Chicago and barge right in the middle of this!  Seems reasonable.  Shawn is all “YO, Trips!  What makes you think you can beat him when I couldn’t!”  The H’s sez that, while Shawn let being THE SHOWSTOPPER get in the way, The H’s is completely focused on beating the Undertaker.  Also, The H’s thinks it’s time for someone to put down the Undertaker, and that someone happens to have a large nose and a strong dislike for Uppity Midcarders.  Taker is all “I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I’VE HAD ENOUGH!”  he also says that Taker he totally humbled that cocky jackass Shawn Michaels (not in the gross Iron Sheik way…).  Shawn responds to this disrespect the only way he knows how, and attempts to superkick Taker’s head off.  Seriously, does Shawn react to rudeness  all of the time?  Say, if the local McDonalds doesn’t add the extra pickles to Shawn’s Big Mac, does he kick them in the face?  Anyway,  taker was ready for this, and BLOCKS the Superkick!  OMG!  Before Taker can Chokeslam Shawn to Hell, The H’s steps in, and totally emasculates Shawn, Bro!  Shawn stomps off to go sulk.  CUT TO COMMERCIAL!!

-Jack Swagger vs. Jerry Lawler doesn’t REALLY happen, as this thing breaks down into a giant clusterfuck, and ends up with Jerry pummelling Jackie with a chair.  Afterwards,  Jerry attempts to get at that DANG Michael Cole  by climbing over the walls of Cole’s Hypodermic Plastic Cube.  However, The King is thwarted by some Indy Dudes in Golf Shirts, who hug him and shout “WOAH WOAH WOAH” at Jerry while Cole throws Soda Pop at Lawler and screams obscenities.

-Back from break and Ugh.  It’s Eddie Guerrero’s Widow, blah blah blahing.  We have Morrison/Danielson vs.  Ziggler-son and O’Shaunnessey-son.  Good way to hype up WrestleMania’s undercard in one fell swoop.  Decent enough match.

-Some dude named Scott Stanford is bothering Randy Orton at the arena’s first aid station, asking him QUESTIONS!  Randy SHOCKS the wrestling world by saying he has “anger management issues” (NO SHIT.)  And he’s SUPER pissed at CM Punk.  Good think CM Punk doesn’t have a wife for Randy to rape…

-Our final inductees to the 2011 WWE Hall of Fame are The Roa…  You know what?  Fuck you.  To me, they’re the Legion of Doom.  LOD.  I never grew up with no stinkin’ “Road Warriors,”  with their goofy facepaint and studded collars straight from the local fetish shop.  The LEGION OF DOOM I knew wore bright red football pads with big-ass spikes!  So, there you have it, the Legion of Doom are Hall of Famers.

-We’re back at the Douchebag Bar and Snooki slurs some words.  But, LayCool shows up OUT OF NOWHERE and Fisticuffs ensue!  OH NOES, YOU GUYS!

-It’s Main Event promo time, and the moment we have all been waiting for!!  Here’s The Rock!  He’s here to tell us about Team Bring It, or some such thing.  Blah Blah Blah Homeless Power Ranger  Blah Blah Blah Foot up candy asses.  BUTWAIT!  Here’s John Cena! FINALLY, these two titans come face to face!  See, when Cena said all of that shit he said about the Rock, because he wanted The Rock to come back and get in his face about it!  For THE MOMENT!!  But, Cena is perplexed as to why The Rock doesn’t like John Cena!  So what if John Cena likes that RRRRRAP music!  So what if John Cena likes wearing bright colours!  So WHAT if John Cena’s audience are Snotty Nosed Kids!  John LIKES being himself, damnit!  So fuck you and your judgemental bullshit, Rock!  Things ALMOST break down to Fisticuffs, but The Miz is here!  And he has things to say!  See, The Miz has PWNED John Cena!  And he’ll wipe the floor with Mr. Over-rated!  However, at least John will go down swinging, unlike that PANSY, Rocky Maivia!  See, the Rock doesn’t wanna get embarrassed, so sayeth the Miz, by being beaten up by The MME Champion (the M’s stand for MIZ!).  The Rock gets in The Miz’s face, but that dang Alex Riley attempts to Pearl Harbor the Rock, but NO SALE!  The Rock fights off The Miz and Miz Jr., only for himself to get Pearl Harbored AGAIN, this time by John Cena!  The show ends with Cena nailing toe Rock with The Attitude Adjustment!

-See, THIS is a great example of a Go-Home RAW.  This was exactly what WrestleMania needed, one more swift kick in the ass to get everyone excited.  I don’t think I have been THIS excited for a WrestleMania for a long, long time.  At least since I started growing facial hair, anyway.   And the Final Segment could not have been done more perfectly.  This is what John Cena and WWE needed.  For the past few months,  The Rock has buried and buried John Cena, ripping on him and getting all those asshole Attitude Era fans on the bandwagon.  But in one move, Cena regained even ground with the Supposed Great One.  WrestleMania 27 is going to fucking rule, you guys.  See you next week for BIG FUCKING WRESTLEMANIA 27!!!

-END.