Hello, friend. You may be confused by the subject of this post- that’s alright. At Wonderpod, we’re here to help.

Do you like baseball? Absolutely, you do. In grand tradition, here is the best, most concise, expert predictions for how Churchy (that’s me) figures the season is gonna play out. None of the namby-pamby, 9352 paragraph crap here (which will, regrettably, be par for the course most other times with this author)- a couple of lines a team, and we’re done. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, that’s just too damn bad.

Now, without any further adieu: Predictions! * for wildcard.

American League

East

1) Red Sox – Moneeeeeeeeeeeeey, and guys not being hurt (hopefully). Scary good lineup.

2) Yankees* – Questions in the rotation, but strong hitting. Hard to see them falling far.

3) Rays – Manny/Damon ease the sting of Crawford/Pena leaving a little, but that bullpen could be frightening.

4) Jays – Young. Fun. Still brewing, though.

5) Orioles – Don’t get the hype on this team. Doesn’t a good righty kill that lineup?

Central

1) Twins – Because it always happens.

2) White Sox – Getting a little long in the tooth, but still good enough for second.

3) Tigers – Could be close, don’t care much for the pitching.

4) Royals – Once the youngins play, they start showing signs of life.

5) Indians – Could be worst in the league. Too bad in a great baseball city.

West

1) Rangers – Losing Lee hurts, but this is an easy division to win.

2) A’s – Another team with a weird amount of hype. Aren’t they this year’s (version of last year’s) Mariners?

3) Angels – Willingly traded for Vernon Wells’ contract. Hard to take ’em seriously after that.

4) Mariners – Yeah.

National League

East

1) Phillies – Incredible starting staff, but the lineup’s starting to show cracks.

2) Braves – Not far ahead of the rest. Some youngins starting to play, apparently.

3) Marlins – Got fleeced by the Braves, but keep pumping out prospects.

4) Mets –  Maybe Beltran and Santana play some this year.

5) Nationals – Payed Jayson Werth like Vernon Wells. That’ll cost ya.

Central

1) Reds – Surprisingly good last year. Dusty Baker managing young talent well? Really?

2) Brewers* – Some distressing luck early. I admire their moxie, going all-in when everyone else is stocking prospects.

3) Cardinals – They’ve got a free agent, or something. Been a pretty underplayed story so far.

4) Cubs – Need to tear it down before they can build it up again. Not sure if they’ve figured that out yet.

5) Astros – Some signs of life, but a bad team in a bad division.

6) Pirates – I don’t even have a joke here.

West

1) Giants – Essentially the Phillies, but younger, right? Sounds good to me.

2) Rockies – Seem to be jumping the gun on big money extensions. Which has ALWAYS worked in sports.

3) Dodgers – So is it the guy or the gal that owns the team? I’m not sure.

4) Diamondbacks – Man, what happened to them? Weren’t they up and coming at some point?

5) Padres – Picked them here last year (I think), and was gloriously wrong. Let’s see if I can make ’em good again.

There. Done. Wrap it up, boys!