What’s up? Looks like I am reviewing Smackdown for the foreseeable future, which is a nice change of scenery for me. Granted, I still tune into Impact Wrestling, at times one feels like they are writing the same thing week in and week out. So I we shuffle the deck at the BWF, the subsequent result is anywhere these “reviews” appear will be for the Friday Night WWE B Show.

That being said, we’ll see how I do with this official shift… No real sleep yesterday due to a fun case of food poisoning will mean I get to this episode quite tired…

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work.

– Keep in mind that this is the go-home episode before the Hell in a Cell PPV this Sunday that has had a grand old two weeks of build… and they expect us to slap down our hard earned money for it. Sure… right…

– We kick things off with Booker T in the ring welcoming us to the show, and he introduces the current champion, Mark Henry down. Booker mentions that he was one of the first to congratulate Henry, but Mark alludes to Booker’s 6 time title reigns and that he thinks he’s being patronizing. All of this leads to hyping his match with Orton, and which the crowd responds with a “Randy” chant. Henry runs through his negative sentiments towards the last 15 years of catering to the fans whims and playing the fool. While it is essentially the same promo we’ve seen from him for the last two weeks, Henry remains convincing here.

Charles Barkley @G: “Hey G, I missed you in Calgary for Catriona Le May Doan’s Olympic Oval Casino Royale fundraiser last night… way to no show.”

G @Charles Barkley: “I spent it in a delirium caused by something that came up, Chuck.”

-* The Mediocre Khali vs Mark Henry (non-title match). This gets underway immediately after the opening interview without a commercial break. We just saw this on Monday, so I lose interest immediately and hit my FFW button. And as I’ve noted before, the big slow lumbering guys tend to appear to move at normal speed when I do this. Khali lasts longer in this short bout than on RAW, but still eats a World’s Strongest Slam as Henry picks up the win.

– Post match, Henry grabs a chair and places it Khali’s foot within it just as Henry has done to Big Show and Kane and putting them on the shelf. Khali Pun-jobs out as the referees run out to heed the Mediocre Khali’s apparent impending vacation.

I’m never going to look at these boxes the same way again.

– Teddy Long accompanies EMS with Khali on their way out of the arena, and Jinder Mahal walks in and yells something at Khali… Meh.

– *Evan Bourne (w/ Kofi Kingston) vs Jack Swagger (w/ Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero). We’re shown clips of Wellness Policy posterboy Mason Ryan making his return in an immediate swerve on Vickie and her new stable. It’s a short, but good bout. The two play off each other’s styles quite well! After some failed interference by the heels, it is Kofi’s attack on a ringside Dolph that finally distracts the referee and allows Vickie to trip up Bourne on the top rope. Swagger slaps on the Angle Ankle lock and submits Evan for the win.

– Sin Cara is up next. Which one? Why? Will he do an interview? Will they interview the mini trampoline? Maybe there’s a third Sin Cara now? So many questions… not enough killer penguins.

Here’ the best thing I’ve seen in my newsfeed on facebook in a long… long… while. Serious business, folks!

– * Sin Cara vs Heath Slater. Ugh, I wonder if they had to reshoot this match three times like they did in Calgary six weeks ago? Back then, though, there was only one Sin Cara. Micheal Cole ups the ante and makes jokes about Sin Cara number 7, and just like that Sin Cara beats Slater. This match appeared to be under thirty seconds.

– FUCK YES! Sin Cara appears also on the Trinatron and unmasks to reveal a Black Mask! He then talks about Mistico or something (it’s kind of incoherent) and they will meet at the PPV to decide who will earn the right to be called Sin Cara. I’m assuming the one in the black mask is Hunico, but whatever. At least now their ring gear is different colours so the viewers can discriminate between the two (just hopefully not based on their colours, because that’s racist… err… lucha-ist? I’m sure their move sets will determine who is the face and who is the heel).

Hmm… who could be the heel in this fight?

– Because there can never be enough HHH, according to Hunter, we are shown a clip package of HHH dominating the show. Backstage, Johnny Ace meets with Christian, Dolph, Vickie, Rhodes, Swagger, and Attorney at Law (and bow-tie wearer) David Otunga who promises he has a legal plan to get something done about this abuse of power. You know? I think Otunga fits the role perfectly, especially with Christians recent theme of the use of lawyers in his gimmick. Here is a faction that works upon a common interest. I am shocked I am digging Otunga right now, but I am.

What a show-off! An awesome, cool, show-off…

– *Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly vs Natalya (from Calgary, Alberta, Canada). Beth Phoenix joins the commentary team and discusses Kelly’s recent string of fluke clean wins over Phoenix which has ruined a good wanted program. The bullshit continues as Kelly gets a rollup win in about 30 seconds over Natalya as a little piece of me dies inside. Post match, Nattie locks Kelly into an odd looking submission move and Beth torments her on the microphone for the live crowd’s pleasure. Fuck the kids in the crowd, they got their Sin Caras.

Old school video game “keep-away”?

– * Sheamus vs Cody Rhodes {C} for the I.C. Title. Rhodes comes out first, because tradition is often forgotten. I hate when they do that. Paper masks are handed out… so Rhodes takes the microphone and “goes on the record and [he] is being discriminated against by the WWE.” He also notes how Orton used the ringbell on his skull last week opening up Rhodes the hard way. I loved seeing all that ketchup, honestly. Such a rarity. Got to wonder if we’ll see anyone don the crimson mask in the Hell in the Cell matches, the one match you EXPECT to see blood in. Anyways, Rhodes states he is defending his title under protest tonight.

– Our match gets underway as Cole calls Booker, “Little Booker” for some annoying reason repetitively. Surely someone told him to say that…

Snow @Lemon: “Tell me he didn’t just say that?”

– After a commercial break, we return predictably to the heel Rhodes in control beating down the palest Irishman this side of North American soil. Rhodes works Sheamus’ left arm with submissions and from outside upon the ring post. Love the psychology from the sexually ambiguous brother of a son of a plumber. I wonder if New Jack has any nude photos of Golddust actually… which was the theme song utilized by Audiomaster G’s question on today’s weekly installment of Wonderpod. Download here. While I posted that shameless plug, Sheamus gets his power meter maxed out and hits some opposition and sets up for the Celtic Cross…. BUT NO!!! Christian runs in, and makes the save with the Unprettier Killswitch… This forces the DQ! Rhodes retains.

– Some crap interview with HHH about his new direct-to-DVD movie. I think it’s called, “See No Profits” or something like that. FFW. I stop to check out an ad for the new game, “Rage.” It looks kind of fun, even though I can’t afford it on drop day. I will certainly keep an eye out for it on the cheap during the video-game off-season.

Maybe this is how the Sin Cara match will end on Sunday (but with more masks)?

– WOO! WOO! WOO! You know it! I thought he was just the assistant GM on Smackdown…. umm…

– * Zack Ryder vs JTG in a, “Yes, JTG still has a job match.” Don’t get me wrong, I actually like JTG, but for those wondering, he’s been stuck on NXT for the last long while. JTG begins things with some nice offense, including a sick looking reverse face buster. I’m not too sure what what to call Ryders current move set, as it’s gimmick heavy, but Booker’s excitement for it certainly puts it over. Ryder lands a knee to the skull on a prone JTG in the corner after about 4 minutes for the win. Even Cole is putting over Ryder by the end of this one.

– Laurinitis meets with HHH backstage (Johnny Ace is texting, as usual). HHH drops a hint about his secret meetings and trust… Then Orton cuts an interview with Matt Striker which promptly puts me and the entire arena to sleep… the terrible promo skills continue…

An interactive Angry Birds Birthday Cake? Very cool.

– *Christian vs Randall Keith Orton. After a quick DVR check, we’ve got twenty minutes for this one… which is good as many of the better matches of the year have included this particular tandem (on WWE programming that is). There is nothing on the line here, though… just maybe pride. Therefore a Mark Henry run in is expected…

– Things start off with Orton grasping his inner-orange-person-collar-popping-machoism (yes, he’s the face) by pushing the heel around. WTF? That was illogical, but Christian keeps coming at him in reverse-booking logic fail. Not a good start. And then we cut to a commercial break…

– Enough with the Fool-Pitying and Shoe-Putting-On… we’re back. Hey hey! SURPRISE! The heel is in control coming out of the break. Christian demonstrates his own brand of assault by wearing down the Viper and humiliating him in the corner with some head smacks… Orton responds with a take down of his own, but Christian will have none of it, isolating the “head-part-of-Orton.” Good psychology again! The back and forth continues as the two fall into an appealing groove making both appear strong. We’ll just forget about the start of the match, thank you. Christian breaks the attempt at the suspended rope DDT, goes to the top ropes, only to be reversed! We’ve gotten to the point where these two know each other so well, they continue this game of missed spots. Captain Charisma looks to set up a spear… and connects, BUT NO!!!

It’d be even cooler if they switched both boards at the same time, but since I can’t do this, it’s still a neat trick!

– Christian wonders what the hell he has to do to finish Orton off… and goes to slap the Killswitch, nope. Reverse, suspended DDT? Yep. Orton looks to hit the RKO, so Christian runs up the entrance ramp… and is brought back down and into the steel steps for his troubles… The bell sounds as the referee appears to have counted out both combatants. Winner? No one… but us. Good match, folks!

– But this isn’t over. Orton clears the announce table, and sets up Christian… CODY RHODES runs in for the save and the two double team Orton. In runs Sheamus and Brogue kicks Rhodes, then chases Christian off into the depths of the arena. Ahh… there’s Mark Henry. Henry is immediately attacked by Mr. No Sell Orton, but cannot land an RKO on Henry, who slams him down. Henry looks to walk off… turns, and reconsiders. He goes for the steel chair to put Orton into his proclaimed “Hall of Pain.” But he takes too much time, and ORTON HITS AN RKO ON MARK HENRY!

– As much as I am no fan of Henry’s matches generally, he better retain on Sunday. Enough with the WWE’s three week title switch fetish.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.