Hot off the heels of a Muppet invasion on RAW, comes Smackdown. And as per usual, I am expected lots of great action, so let’s just skip this intro stuff and hop to it, shall we?

Well, maybe not literally…

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

G’s podcast recommendation! That’s right, I am going to try and recommend a good listening experiences for us 10%’er’s. I listen to a bunch of podcasts (check out Wonderpod and Bored Wrestling Fan for the best ones!). I have my favorite shows outside of my crew too. And if you’re like me, you find yourself in situations to grab an “ear-full,” I’ll try and filter some stuff your way as often as possible. This week: Wai Ting and John Pollock interview former WWE creative member Brian Mann. It’s pretty interesting to hear as this fellow’s short gig occurred just after the WWE Money in the Bank PPV last summer until recently. It might shed a little light as to how the writer monkeys we criticize on the IWC works.

– * Street Fight: Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes. We get this show started with a match, so everything looks good from the start, huh? Why a street fight AND on free television? I have no clue. But, they’ve been feuding for a while… so I suppose that the stip doesn’t have to be saved for a PPV. Our first television segment involves the two slowly building drama for a while, until they take it outside. Orton appears to have the upper hand and Rhodes gets desperate sacrificing not one, but both of his paper-baggers to avoid assaults by Orton… as we cut to commercials, one has to ask themselves why Rhodes looks like he is asking himself “What do I have to do?” Ok, us smarks know the baggers are local indie guys, but come on! The paper-baggers are sold as guys whose skill-sets involve the ability to unfold bags and hand them out to the crowd!

Even in the realm of Mortal Kombat, it isn’t just about fatalities all the time. Although the loser of this dance off dies, but still.

– Our next segment involves some brief action in which Rhodes gets the upper hand, and manages to use his mask once again as a weapon. Being a street fight, this of course is completely legal. In fact, it’s not just legal, it’s heeltastic, and thereby awesome. Orton takes a nap as we cut to another commercial break. As boring as Orton has been lately, this one is a ring-a-ding-dong-dandy. RIP, Ed Whalen.

– Finally, we return… both men are worn out. They exchange multiple spots for a while, until Rhodes goes to use the mask again. BUT NO!!! Orton ducks, grabs the mask as he does, and uses it on the disfigured messiah that is Cody Rhodes! Orton goes into temper tantrum mode looking to hit an RKO! NO!!! Rhodes flips this, and drops a deadly knee from the top rope, near fall!! NO!!!!! Orton attempts a suspended DDT, reversal! Now they brawl outside once more… and Orton sets up another suspended DDT with Rhodes legs dangling on the security fence. Orton decides not to pin him, takes him back inside and lands an RKO for the win! Fuck, why not put Rhodes over? Great match, nonetheless.

– Post match, Orton places the paper bag on the fallen Cody Rhodes, grandson of a plumber (and far more interesting to me than Orton for almost a year now). Notable, is that Orton has broken the face mask and holds it up for the camera man while standing on the match. Rhodes does a great job selling the paper bag angle, and perhaps this is the end of this gimmick?

Charles Barkley @G: “Why you watching that wrasslin’ crap still G? You know it’s fake, right?”

G @Charles Barkley: “Wait… what? No way!! Hey Barks, Which did you like better this week? WWE RAW? Or Impact Wrestling?”

Charles Barkley @G: “Impact Wrestling.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Blasphemy.”

Charles Barkley @G: “Impact Wrestling” had the better ending. I mean, Garrett Bischoff gets his knees cut off, finds out Eric Bischoff wants to disown him as his father, Roode turns and takes away Storm’s title. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that’s what life is, a series of down endings. All RAW had was a bunch of Muppets.”

– * Tyson Kidd vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. I’m excited for this match, which means it will likely be short. Dibiase has been MIA lately, while Kidd has been the reason to watch NXT if one even bnothers. This one is hard and fast (maybe 2 minutes), and Kidd is used as fodder to put over Dibiase. Shitty.

Lego knows the score.

– Mark Henry cuts his usual angry promo, or so we think… until he stops mid-sentence and walks towards Daniel Bryan! Mark asks if Bryan is “eyeballing [him]” Bryan insists he is not, and he is planning on cashing in his briefcase at WrestleMania. Henry tells him it doesn’t matter, Bryan can’t beat him and will go ask Long to schedule a match, then asks Bryan what he thinks about that. Bryan looks him in the eye, and says “I guess I’ll see you in the ring, Mark.” Well done.

* Alicia Fox vs. Natalya. I. Don’t. Care. FFW! I hate saying that, as I am a huge Natalya mark. Still… Alicia Fox is terrible. Fox wins, WWE fans lose.

– Looks like Teddy Long made the Bryan/Henry match happen for later tonight…

Man, I’ve been playing Battlefield 3 too much lately… Tanks on the mind…

– The Big Show comes out and cuts a promo, because the reason that Frankenstein never cut any promos, is because if he spoke at lengths he wouldn’t look like a monster if he just blabbed. Obviously, WWE Creative never read the original Mary Shelley novel in which Frankenstein developed an extremely well spoken intelligent ability to cut promos. I can’t expect that though, curse my brain… Then Show quotes “Mama Said Knock You Out.” Christian comes out to interrupt and notes he has a match, and thought the L.L. Cool J reference was his cue to come out. Then Show agrees, but Christian says Show lost at Vengeance and what is his excuse? Show mentions the ring broke… Christian says he is a civilized person because he is from Canada, and he doesn’t just go punch people in the face… actually this becomes really funny. You should go watch it. It ends with Show chokeslamming Christian. It doesn’t really advance anything, but made me smile… so there’s that.

Send in the clowns!!

– Back at ringside, Christian is selling his throat being injured by the announce table as Matthews, Booker, and Cole look concerned… he has a match after all. The ref talks to Sheamus (his opponent) and tells him he is in no condition to wrestle, so Wade Barrett arrives with a microphone suggesting him as a suitable replacement. Sheamus is cool with that, his lineage with Beaker is that of a fighting man? And…

It’s just a scratch, no I don’t think anyone will notice.

– * Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett. They just Hop On Pop, and get to it. Meanwhile, Christian is “gasping for air” outside. Sheamus wastes no time hitting his usual spots here as the Canadian Hero, Christian, watches/fakes his choke slam injury. The announcers talk about Barrett’s claim to a Polish uprising gimmick (which kind of makes no sense, but since they changed Kofi’s Jamaican gimmick to that of Ghana, what can I say?)…. we cut to a commercials. Look, I don’t have any issue with making racist suppression a topic, even in wrestling. But at the end of the day, if a dude is going to be from somewhere… stick to it. Don’t fucking change shit up, these are characters, not Johnny-Come-Lightly stories. I hated when the WWE decided that wrestlers from Canada (OH NO!!! CANADA!!!) who were faces were booked from the U.S.A. all of the sudden. Like Jericho and Benoit. Stupid.

Nice trick, lot’s of time on your hands, no?

– We continue with this matchup between the Brit and the Irishman. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH REPRESENTING YOUR COUNTRY REGARDLESS IF YOU ARE A HEEL OR FACE! I DON’T CARE IF YOU IMMIGRATED, BE PROUD OF YOUR NEW HOME. Also, fuck this occupy shit in Canada… just saying. If you are blessed to live in a first world country, use the democratic means available to you to change things. Don’t be one of the fuckers who buys top-of-the-line camping gear to appear like a protester, but leaves it unattended and returns to their hipster modern-hippie apartment over night like some fucking MTV douche wanting attention. REAL homeless people with mental diseases that are neglected are not being helped here. You are just making the problem worse when you show up with your fucking Starbucks Coffee that costs more than a day worth of food bitching about how they can’t eat. Maybe skip the $10 Expresso-latte-latte-mocha-cumbucket drink and donate to your local food-bank? I might not only occupy your unattended tent, I might just steal it. Fuckers… It’s called an agenda and a direct message. Get one, or go move to a 3rd world country and see what poverty and military dictatorships are actually all about. /rant. Sorry folks, but that shit pisses me off. I agree that the monetary divide is abusive and unfair, but camping out like a burnout only makes you look like a burnout. Fucking hipster fucks. Rip on me in the comment section, but I know I live in a country that gives me opportunities, and I hope you are lucky enough to be in a similar situation.

I don’t know how to explain this one either.

– Christian interferes allowing for Barrett to pick up an easy win over Beaker Sheamus. I don’t understand where they are going with this angle, but hope it is explained over the next few weeks. Interesting storyline twist.

– Daniel Bryan is seen stretching backstage, and Big Show reveals that he likes his approach and will have his back tonight.

– * Sin Cara vs. Epico. No more blue and black. Nope. Sin Cara is blue and black is Epico. To be clear, Epico is some new dude, who helps attack Sin Cara when Hunico (recently unmasked Sin Cara Black). It ends shortly, and I guess more will develop as we progress. Nothing notable otherwise. I am interested in this storyline, though. It’s too new to say much more than that.

I hate when people do this… I’m trying to drive dammit.

* Non-Title Match: Mark Henry {C} vs. Daniel Bryan. Not much time left for this match… shitty deal. Big Show gets more camera time to start than the match itself… fuck. Henry is manhandling Bryan since American Dragons are not understood well in the WWE. Big Show is sold like the real competition, and I am already upset. Just after a squash like outcome, Booker’s “D. Bryan” hits a number of kicks. These are both aerial based and akin to Tajiri to break down the big man. Big Show roots on in, umm… sympathy? Henry recovers, and uses his size to attack! Big Show decides to interfere as Henry pummels Bryan in the corner, causing a DQ. I suppose this means Bryan technically didn’t lose. Post match, Show asks Bryan to cash in his MitB, but it doesn’t work out as the bell never rang. Henry body slams Show (not heard around the world) after the attempt is failed.

– Teddy Long takes a break from fucking Aksana in his office to tell us that Henry will defend his title against The Big Show at Survivor Series. We didn’t see Aksana this week due to her new Vivid film deal with a gangbang with Fozzy Bear, Kermit, Gonzo (no pun intended), and Elmo. The “Tickle Me” part is actually a result of herpes, sadly enough. There is no cure. Like Eddie Murphy noted, that is with you for life like luggage.

– Lots of venting tonight. I enjoyed this episode, believe it or not.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.