In Canada, we observe Remembrance Day. I have only respect for this holiday. In the USA, they celebrate Veteran’s Day today… but I’m not American. Nonetheless, I hope people south of the border hold the same regard that I do for my Nation’s holiday.

However, today is also Friday, which means that Smackdown is on. Tonight’s episode was taped in the United Kingdom. Rumor has it that Vince McMahon has become “too tired” to oversee Smackdown and leaves it to others lately. That might explain why it has been a very good program. Will that trend continue? Let’s hop to it, shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to and enjoy this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Opening segment is in honor of Veteran’s Day.

I wonder if the next generation of video game consoles will include electroshocks?

– Randall Keith Orton makes his way down to the ring… God help us all, they’ve given him a microphone. He goes into explaining where the Survivor Series match came from (Teddy Long made him a team captain). What exactly is the role of a team captain? Fucked if I know, bubba. Who cares, since he comes Wade Barrett to interrupt Orton. The crowd mostly boos Barrett, but enthusiastically because he is over in his home nation. Barrett calls himself a natural born leader, while Orton is “a natural born predator… someone that no one is ever really going to trust.” Orton looks mad about this (even though HE JUST SAID THE SAME THING HIMSELF MOMENTS AGO). The banter continues, and Christian enters in a neck-brace… the same Christian who went home from the overseas tour with a terribly sprained ankle. He is selling a choke-slam from The Big Show, and Christian claims he turned down the team leader position due to the injury and in respect to Barrett. Orton clocks Christian, and the heels double team him… Sheamus runs in to help clearing the ring. Teddy Long comes out and makes a couple matches… our curtain jerker and our main event…

Nothing on this show could be as boring to watch as the 1-3-1 trap in the Philly/Tampa game this week. Al Creed of the PUCK YOU! Crew noted this custom made animated gif could have just as easily have been a jpg. LOL. True enough, and in the next episode of a pending hockey discussion, we will talk about this new form of the trap. Until then, let’s get back to the wrasslin’!

– * Sheamus vs. Christian. We are underway as we return from commercials… Sheamus works the injured neck of Christian, which is a logical tactic. Slowly but surely, Sheamus dominates Christian through our first segment working the spine and neck. Whether or not this is going to write Christian off television while he recuperates was the original intent doesn’t even matter. This is executed so well, it will work! I’m glad McMahon gets sleepy on Tuesdays! In our second segment, Christian continues to sneak in every snake move he can, including a top rope swinging DDT on the pale Irishman. Sheamus manages to pull himself off of the mat and flips himself to the top rope, and lands a diving shoulder onto Captain Charisma! But no!!! Sheamus then lands a Celtic Cross for the pin and the win.

Charles Barkley @G: “With the NBA work stoppage, I’ve actually started watching that honkey ice soccer you love so much, G. Why was no one moving in the Philly/Tampa game? Is that how you score, like in some challenge from that show Survivor?”

G @Charles Barkley: “I don’t even know how to respond, Barks. We’re all a bit pissed about that development.”

– AJ and Kaitlyn gush and ooze over Daniel Bryan’s almost attempt to cash in his Money in the Back briefcase on Mark Henry last week. Henry interrupts and cockily tells Bryan he’s got nothing on him, but Bryan boldly notes he doesn’t care that it took him 15 years to win his first title. Henry retorts with a chuckle that Bryan has guts, and that it is a shame he is going to have to spill those guts all over the ring tonight. That was perfect. No extra crap (except the Divas, but they served as a storyline device I suppose).

– Cut to Long talking with a ref, and then Aksana enters. More so-called PG sexual inneundo as the rusty trombone saultry saxaphone music plays in the background. It’s like Spice TV (remember that?). Rhianna Alicia Fox enters, making pubescent teenage boys visualize a three way. I still don’t understand why this happened, or what it means. FFW.

Best show ever?

– Pintnoir made an interesting, and appreciated comment on my facebook earlier. I love a group called A Tribe Called Quest. They are my favorite old school hip hop innovators. It reminded me about something that I generally don’t address, because it shouldn’t be an issue. If you judge people on superficial things like gender, skin tone (we are all brown, deal with it), and so on, you are an asshole bigot. Kudos to my friend, Pintnoir, for reminding me to stay stalwart in this belief. Can I kick it?

Lou Reed has a very different take on my previous sentiment, but I won’t throw him under the bus. We are from different eras and places. I would like to think perception has changed (even though I know ignorant hate is still out there). Nonetheless, his bassline makes this epic classic song swing. You dig?

-* Jinder Mahal (from Calgary, Alberta, Canada) vs. Ted DiBiase. I’m not sure why this made the card. Neither have much going for them, and can’t understand why and what the point is here. Dibiase squashes Mahal because? Who has more upside? Who cares? Is Mahal being sent to the land of misfit mascots? Pointless match that doesn’t seem to advance anything. I suppose fans of old school squashes of the eighties will be happy? I realize I am clearly biased towards my hometown guy and this is a result of not seeing what he can do. The whole Mediocre Khali program with him was swept under the rug with very little exposure of Mahal. Now he’s jobbing to a jobber. Great.

Nice use of a blender by Mario here. Speaking of which…

– * Non-Title Match: Mark Henry {C} vs. Daniel Bryan. Any sense of humor that Henry had prior this match dissolves instantly in a simple transition of facial of expression by our World Champion. This was a great capture of Henry focusing into a sense of seriousness which puts Bryan over because the champ takes him seriously. Henry gets to work immediately tossing Bryan outside and pushes his head into the steel steps. Booker T notes his “D. Bryan” has his hands full. I’m instantly sold on this program. FOR FUCKS SAKES BUILD THIS TO WRESTLEMANIA WWE!! Bryan manages to land some sick looking kicks and locks in a Labelle lock, which is slowly reversed by Mark into a modified body slam. Henry is angry now, and begins to toy with the challenger. World’s Strongest Slam, and Henry wins. This was not a squash. It revealed a weakness in the champion’s offensive approach. Henry grabs a steel chair in order to induct Bryan into the “Hall of Pain.” Bryan reverses the attempt, takes the chair and hits the champ… NO SELL!!!! ANGRY GIANT!!! Henry slams him a couple of times with sheer anger, and sets up Bryan with a chair on his ankle…. WELLLLLLLL!!!! Big Show runs in, as Bryan makes his way to his feet, and receives a backshot via steel chair a la Henry for his troubles. Show stares down Henry ending the post match action. What we got here is making Bryan look like a possible, and the Show/Henry PPV match a clash of the big men. Henry is dominant, but not invincible. Bryan could take him if the stars align. Show makes the champ leave… reluctantly… hence building their PPV bout. Well done. While I have no ambition to want to see the slow and plodding match between Show and Henry, the build is great story telling. Hell, at this point a Bryan heel turn might even make sense.

– * The Big Show In Action. This is Show versus a bunch of random developmental guys. He destroys them all. Fans of squashes should go home happy as he destroys 3 or 4 guys in about 2 minutes at best. Henry enters and asks if he is supposed to be impressed. He reminds Show he put him on “vacation” for four months and will make it happen again at Survivor Series. I almost want to buy this PPV for this episode of Smackdown alone. Fuck RAW. CM Punk needs to give McMahon a GTS permanently.

That was close!

– * Alicia Fox (w/ Aksana) vs. Tamina (w/ Rosa Mendez). Natalya joins commentary. I don’t get this one. Skip it, legit piss break. Feel free to explain to me how this match was booked and why in the comment section below. Can’t win them all… Fox gets the win in about 2 minutes.

– Matt Striker inteviews Sheamus about his attack on Barrett last week. This seems to be more for the U.K. than anything. This was shot post match, since Sheamus’ forehead is clearly cut having been broken open the hard way in the first bout of the evening. No tales of Irish heritage tonight… We see Epico, Hunico, and M.I.A. Primo walk to the ring…

Mike Milbury @G: “I’m done with the WWE as much as I’m done with the CBS coverage of the 1-3-1 trap.”

G @Mike Milbury: “You missed your chance to do that on RAW just over a month ago, actually.”

– * The Usos vs. Epico and Hunico. I don’t know why the sprig of parsley known as Primo is really involved (I realize he has family in this match, KTHX). The Uso’s abbreviate their normal Samoa war chant (editing?), and we get underway. Hunico likes to sneak in a tag here and there. I don’t like that he looks like a thug (cliche), but the guy seems more comfortable without the trampoline and bullshit that surrounded the three-time, three-time, three-time, filmed match he had with Heath “Rape” Slater in Calgary back in August. The Usos appear to have the upper hand by isolating the Hunico to start. Hunico reverses with a sidewalk slam and then a top rope 180 reverse frog splash for the win. Another squash? Yeah, pretty much. MORE TIME NEEDED. The inner-spot fest fan loved it. Post match, the Primo/Epico/Hunico faction beats down the Usos. This was rushed. Way too rushed. So much potential, so little time. I enjoyed the fuck out of it, and expect the WWE to fuck it up.

This is why I am totally afraid of mimes.

– * Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton. Barring any outside interference or microphone banter, this is booked to be a twenty minute match. I would have preferred some of this time allotted to the previous match, but whatever. RAW and Impact Wrestling should take some notes. Smackdown is starting to book somethings like ROH (best wrestling on television).

– Right off the bat, this is booked right. Even Booker-T seems to call it right. As the two slowly, and methodically build, Booker notes that Orton is a lone wolf, and Cole sells Barrett as a tactical mastermind leader. McMahon needs to retire. Dude! If Cole can comment well without the oldman telling him to “get off my lawn” in the headset, something subtle and important is obvious. Fuck. After some back and forth, a toss outside made to look ugly via Barrett sells an Orton knee injury. I might even steal buy this PPV for the Smackdown matches BECAUSE OF THIS SHOW.

Yes. I actually WANT to know what’s the scenario on Smackdown. Don’t make me post Fugazi again, actually… I probably will. Some songs capture professional wrestling better than the latest throw-away-emo-post-metal band’s latest submission. Re..spect…. Walk…. What’s the Scenario?

– Speaking of which…

Walkouts… land of the British Isles…. makes me think about one of my all time favorite bands “Snuff” and this fucking brilliant track, “Walk.”

– And… if we’re talking “Walk,” Pantera must get a nod too… as my favorite former ECW talent’s copy-right infringement’s theme song…

Respect.

– Long matches are always appreciated.

I’m not sure what impresses me more here… the skill of the dude with the tray, versus the asshole move by the dude with the tray

– Ok, I once again enjoyed all three of those aforementioned songs… back to the action. We get a very old school match here. Little moves are given time as Barrett deliver’s a simple ring-rope choke that means someting…. It’s slow in an effective way. Wow, Orton doesn’t completely suck again this week! Orton sells Wade until he pulls off of top rope reversal into a slam, but cannot capitalize. Barrett re-engergizes, fucks up Orton’s shit with an eyejab! HEELTASTIC!! Cole sells it like the best move ever as….

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

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BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.