Hot off the heels of Monday Night RAW, comes a special live broadcast of Smackdown! Shortly after this broadcast, the WWE will be heading for an overseas tour and we’re told that most of the RAW wrestlers will not be on the program. But, tonight is hosted by Mick Foley, so who cares?

BWF Radio Episode 2 will be up tomorrow in order to discuss this episode.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Jolly Ol’ Saint Mick makes his way out adorned in a Santa suit and a stage full of giant presents. Obviously, duh… because Christmas is like… 27 days away. Even Mick notes that fact, but also that he is an X-Mas fanatic. “What good ol’ JR is to BBQ sauce, like the Ultimate Warrior is to colourful arm tassles… I am to Christmas.” Cheap pops ensue from Charlotte, North Carolina. WOO? Nope. He refers to Daniel Bryan as Tiny Tim (which is booed) and the Ghost of Christmas Fear Mark Henry (mixed reaction). Over the top battle royale with cheese where the prize will be granted by Santa. Also, Micheal fucking Cole is here anyways because he has some kind of legal team… but Foley has control over his wardrobe. Cole is dressed as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and reluctantly enters moping and pouting. He joins Josh Matthews adorned in an elf suit, perhaps a dentist elf? Booker T is introduced next, dressed as another Santa Claus. Foley requests a Spin-a-rooni (claiming to trying to redeem himself for the “This is your life” segment rehash) and to represent the Jewish community. T digs the holiday spirit regardless, suckah.

Face-Discus? Make it happen IOC, let’s get it in the 2012 Olympics.

– Cody Rhodes decides to attack this “farce” to the chagrin of the live crowd. Rhodes has no time for Booker’s childish antics and calls him out as a has been. Booker retorts to him as “son” and Rhodes takes exception calling him “announcer” multiple times and how he will never be able to call himself a champion again. Foley says fuck that, and calls him a five-time WCW champion (true if you stay specific prior the Invasion). Foley makes a match between the two… then announces a special Diva match, so that means time for a piss break.

– * A.J., Alicia Fox, Bella Twins, Kelly Kelly Kelly, Aksana, Tamina, Natalya, maybe Eve, in a Mistletoe on a Pole match. It’s over in seconds as Brie Bella picks up the win. Great. And by great, I mean meh. The winner is to receive the opportunity to give a kiss to any superstar they want between now and XXX-mas.

The answer is actually your mom. Sorry.

– * Justin Gabriel vs Jinder Mahal. Mahal talks in his native tongue (Calgarian), then reverts to English about Christmas being a sham and uses this to garner heat. We get a short, but decent little match until Ted Dibiase comes out with a Santa hat and sack, causing distractions and Gabriel wins.

– The Usos show Foley their dance, then Foley runs in Piper, Francine, Hornswoggle… Swoggle garbles to Dusty Rhodes, the latter comments on weird people here and turns around into Golddust, etc. David Otunga interrupts and wants to shut down the party. Foley decides to book him in a Miracle on 31st Street match, which means Randall Keith Orton. This killed time, but was fun.

– Another Kane spot airs specifically stating “Kane resurrected.”

– Booker T is being interviewed by Matt Striker, only to be ATTACKED by Cody Rhodes with his I.C. title. Booker is tended to, and appears to be still alert and angry! Outside of being beaten down, the Book man looks like he is still very much in shape too.

I know what you’re thinking… no I haven’t picked up Skyrim yet. I will, but I have to get through a bunch of other games first…

– *Kofi Kingston vs Tyson Kidd. PLEASE GIVE THIS TIME WWE!! The announcers are saying we will not see the Rhodes/Booker match as a result of the attack. Meanwhile, Tyson and Kofi get into a little catch-as-catch-can, and begin to trade spots… Kofi looks to hit his Trouble in Paradise, but Kidd heeltastically avoids this by rolling to the ringside. Kofi takes Cole’s Rudolph head gear, and tosses Kidd back into the ring. THEN KOFI PUTS THE RUDOLPH HEAD ON AND FROGSPLASHES KIDD FROM THE TOPROPES. Ha ha! Ok, as much as I kind of hated this, I also kind of loved it. Not long enough a match, but if you are going to do a holiday themed show with props, this is a decent way to do it.

– Back to the party backstage. Sheamus asks Teddy Long what exactly is an “All I Want” Battle Royale, fella. Long has no answer and Aksana interrupts with the usual stuff… then she eats some mistletoe. HAHAHAHA! What a terrible segment made funny by complete stupidity.

– * Randy Orton vs David Otunga (Basically a Street Fight… because you know, they’re in an arena). Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. They actually give Otunga some offense at they take things outside the ring. Orton eats a Christmas cookie on a baking sheet off the announce booth because Cole was baking at ringside? WTF? Someone also took the time to wrap up a kendo stick with red ribbon to make it look like a candy cane. Orton has been murdering Otunga for the last 3 minutes, and hurls him into a couple festive trees and giant presents on the entrance ramp. Wade Barrett runs in! Breaks up this debacle, big boots Orton! Then he rolls Otunga and Orton into the ring to help the heel win… BUT NO! RKO! Orton wins.

Pictured above, the WWE’s Twitter campaign continues…

– Battle Royale! And just to make things more interesting, Hornswoggle is actually in this, but he hides under the ring and the match gets underway. Guys are being tossed quickly and there’s little need to attempt to cover the start… This one is full of NXT and Superstars guys including wellness champions like Darren Young and Heath Slater. Ezekial Jackson and Sheamus have a power showdown among the fray, as to which Sheamus proves dominant (shocker, I know). Tyson Kidd pulls off the dangling false finish, and pulls himself back to hurricaran Ted Dibiase out! Nice spot, which is tragically ruined by Hornswoggle who sneaks out from under the ring and eliminates Kidd!! Then he returns to under the ring as we cut to a commercial…

Charles Barkley @G: “I don’t work Tuesdays.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Ok, Hunter.”

– AND WE’RE BACK! 7 remain in the ring: Titus Oneil, Jinder Mahal, Heath Slater, Tyler Rexx, Hunico, Sheamus, Hornswoggle. Things get messy and eliminated guys don’t leave, and some are technically not eliminated, and since every one other than Oneil (who does leave), the rest in the ring are all heels. So they beatdown Sheamus… Mahal (bleeding from the mouth), proposes to they go get Hornswoggle from the depths of the ring… They do, and proceed to corner and shitkick him to my amusement. Sheamus gets his spirit meter charged up, and clears the ring!!! Him and Swoggle remain… PLEASE DON’T DO THE FEEL GOOD MOMENT!!! NO!!! Sheamus smiles and tells him to get out, to which Swoggle stands up to the pale Irishman! After an amusing setup, Swoggle feigns conceding only to bamboozle Sheamus and eliminate him. Then they do the feel good moment as Sheamus puts him on his shoulders as the winner. I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t enjoy this… but this was not a good battle royale outside of the midget beatdown at the end…

Cool? Yes. Stupid? Also, yes.

– Back to the X-Mas party in the back… this leads to Santa and Hornswoggle doing up the “All I Want For Christmas” clause he just won. Sheamus pops in to translate that Swoggle “wants the ability to talk.” Santa Foley tells him he needs a magical hug to grant the wish. Hug ensues. “Thank you,” responds Hornswoggle. Swoggle walks around learning words, then he calls Vickie Guerrero “grandma” and they have a back and forth. Mick Foley enters, “Satan (sic)” disappears, and the hardcore legend asks, “What did I miss?” Wouldn’t it be awesome if Hornswoggle could speak normally from here on in? Daniel Bryan is then interviewed noting, “Sooner than later, everyone taps…”

You love this too. Admit it.

– Mark Henry {C} vs Daniel Bryan (championship steel cage match). Great start! Henry left ankle is wrapped up, still injured… Bryan tests his speed as he goes for two immediate escape attempts, but Henry lumbers over quicker than you’d expect and ends that strategy. Nice psychology here. Henry takes some kicks on his hurt leg via Bryan, but shoves he of the briefcase of blue into the corner! COMMERCIAL BREAK!! Ok, that didn’t warrant caps lock.

!!!

– We return to Henry locking on Spock’s Vulcan Death Grip resthold to Bryan… then he tosses Bryan again, shouting “Happy New Year!” as he does it. Then Bryan sells a clothesline like no other, likely realizing maineventing doesn’t come easy around these parts to indie darlings. The cage is opened, but Bryan will have none of it, and grapples the champion’s injured left ankle!! Door shut… Henry abuses Bryan, but shows lingering injuries!! “Daniel Bryan!” CLAP CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP breaks out for a minute just for PatMan of wonderpodonline.com which will feature a brand new episode again this Friday! BWF Radio will return this Wednesday!!! CHEAP POPS!

I suddenly regret handed out this brand of chocolate bar to kids on Halloween last month. What a waste.

– Bryan locks on a crippler crossface on Henry!! It is modified into a dangling armbar as Henry finally manages to make it to his feet. Great spot here! Bryan moons the audience as Henry almost takes his tights off as Bryan attempts to escape. They tango at the top, and Bryan ALMOST makes it out, but Henry pulls his right arm back into the ring!!! World’s Strongest Slam, and Angry Koolaid Man, Mark Henry retains!! GREAT MATCH!

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.