Since I tend to grab the non-spoiler match card before writing this, it gives me an idea of what type of suffering I am about to enter into. And dear lord, this one looks redundant and bad. Let’s see if the actual show delivers regardless, shall we?

Resident ThinkSoJoE was at this event, he might get involved.

Oh, bye bye Kelly Kelly Kelly! No one will miss you!

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– The Big Show lumbers his way out to the ring. They gave him a microphone, and he reminds us he is back and he wants the World Title. He’s still angry about his last title reign lasting 45 seconds. Then the only man who takes longer to walk to the ring than The Mediocre Khali makes his way out, hey look kids! It’s Randall Keith Orton! Orton speaks in binary as ThinkSoJoE squirts him with a super-soaker filled with motor oil. Alberto Del Rio has to interrupt too, because that’s what happens in opening segments on Smackdown. He tells them both to go to the back of the line, and Randall slips on motor oil and hits an accidently RKO on Del Rio. I can’t believe JoE was holding up the T2 robot arm for a highfive to Orton as he leaves, but I swear to you it happened.

Good to know.

– We’re reminded of Cesaro dumping Aksana last week when her interference cost him the match versus Santino. So take a wild fucking guess what we get tonight?

Great referee work in the WWE lately, huh?

– * US Title Match: Antonio Cesaro {C} vs. Santino. ThinkSoJoE is seen holding up a Google Translate sign which Cesaro promptly takes from his hands and rips up. As Santino power walks to the ring, JoE hands him a styrofoam cup of Gator-Aid! DAMN YOU jOe! THOSE ARE NON-BIODEGRADABLE! BASTARD! The crowd sounds dead here. Cesaro is really handing Santino a beatdown, as the crowd picks up. Oh wait, that was JoE releasing some live Cobras in the audience. Santino turns things around and attempts to suplex the champ from the top, but this only results in a flip… Marella goes for his salute headbutt, misses, and Cesaro hits his Neutralizer for the pin and the win. On the way out, JoE hands the champ a Toblerone.

– Recap of the D-Bry/Kane segments a la When Harry Met Sally on RAW.

Hug it out!

– Eve Touts about the attack on Kaytlynynynynynynyn…

-* Natalya vs. Beth Phoenix. A blonde match… one might call this a Sabres/Flames match. I call it a nice sendoff to Beth to let her wrestle one of the only people on the roster who is female and can wrestle. Kelly Kelly is still released! YAY! I think JoE must have predicted this as he is literally dancing on the ramp until security comes down and forms a conga line with him. Beth gets some cheap pops calling for Buffalo to get behind her… but her attack leads to a jump from the middle rope into a reversal and sharpshooter! Beth gets a win after a rollup spot in a rare good Divas match on Smackdown! Eve strolls down post match… she apologizes for acting irrationally on RAW. They can’t simply assume it was her, but she gets indefinitely suspended.

Wow, it seems like only yesterday Bill Gates gave away the only signed copy of Halo 3 in 2007. That happened Wednesday of this week, and the Justin Bieber hoody kid in the upper left corner is still planning on murdering the lucky kid who got it.

– Booker talks with Teddy Long about setting up an 8-team tag team tournament to determine a number one contender, playah. Beth runs up and asks why she is suspended. Booker gets pissed at Eve for her suspending Beth and overturns Eve’s diabolical decision making skills. Eve then turns on Teddy accusing him as attempting to usurp Booker to get his old job back (sneaky Eve, sneaky). Booker just looks concerned. Cancer ads follow. RAW Rebound, FFW.

– * Wade Barrett vs. Zack Ryder. Zack is already in the ring and Wade makes his way down to the ring. JoE asks him about his business operating hours, and picks up a Souvenir. Zack looks to get some offense in, as he slows down the big Brit. But just when you think Ryder has a chance, Barrett clothsline, then kills him with the Souvenir. WOO WOO WOO, It’s over! JoE is seen weeping by the entrance ramp.

Toss in Nickleback and Bieber as a tip?

– MIZ TV makes it’s “world premiere” on Smackdown. JoE promptly puts his shirt on upside down in an awkward moment as a tribute. Before he barely gets started, Unmixed-Strawberry Yogurt interrupts to bore us with tales of his arse, and shit. Sheamus calls it a great start to Miz-TV… yawn. Way to kill a segment out the gates… blah blah blah, blah blah, blah… Miz looks geniunely pissed as Sheamus calls him useless in the ring and has no career outside this talkshow. Then he mentions no one wants to hear Miz talk about himself for 90 minutes. Odd, that’s exactly what the so-called face is doing right now. Miz notes he has a film coming out, and stars in a book by Mick Foley, AND a radio show. Sheamus has none of these things. Miz then owns him on the microphone noting tonight’s main event will determine who will kick Sheamus’ ass at Hell in a Cell. Sheamus at least puts the title over as important, sadly no one pays to see him either (he doesn’t mention that fact). Vickie Guerrero interrupts with Ziggler in tow. Ziggler checks his suitcase in with Buffalo’s most respected baggage claim representative ThinkSoJoE. Ziggler notes it doesn’t matter who faces the Irish albino at HitC, because Ziggler will cash in and take the title. He guarantees it. Sheamus wishes ol’ Zigs good luck, then attacks Miz. IT BREAKS OUT INTO A BRAWL. JOE ATTACKS ALL OF THEM WITH THE BRIEFCASE! HE GOES INTO ROB RAY MODE!!! Actually no, Sheamus beats up everyone and ruins the segment. JoE should’ve fucked up The Arse-Man’s shit, but alas…

– We are shown the tag team match bracket to determine the number one contenders for the Tag Titles. I can’t complain about this at all. Good stuff. I like tournaments. Next up will be the first match in it…

Charles Barkley @G: “Check out my Good Ol’ J.R. impression, G! Slubberknackerz!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Fuck you and the horse you… oh wait. Well played, Chuck. Well played indeed.”

– * The Usos vs. “Rhodes Scholar” Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow. Guess those internet rumors were accurate, as JoE is seen holding up a sign saying “G was right!” Way better than Team Hell No! The Usos make their apathetic way to the ring. They’re getting killed here, folks. I’m just going to enjoy watching the dissection. First note, Rhodes and Sandow’s respective pre-fight ring gear match. Bonus points awarded. Sandow takes JoE’s sign, holds it up to the camera and mouths “G, you’re smarter than me.” Back to watching…. The basic story is pretty accurate to what you’d expect, a squash. The Uso’s get a wee bit of offense in, but Sandow’s clever roll outs allows a Cross-Rhodes finisher on one of the twins, and The Rhodes Scholars advance in under two minutes.

This troll is a true artist.

– * Ryback vs. Tensai. Prior the match, ThinkSoJoE is seen shaving the Hip Hop Hippos back. As Ryback enters, he passes him a vial of Visine. See? Our BWF webmaster is a thoughtful guy, after all. All those haters need to suck an egg and learn to sing “Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy” from the Ren and Stimpy show. Tensai teaches Ryback’s grandmother how to suck eggs to start, actually giving Ry Back Dam some turnbuckle goodness. But not to be out-steroided, Ryback attempts to fuck up Tensai’s shit…. BUT NO!!! Tensai returns to attack, and back and forth they go! It’s like a lucha libre match without the flips or flops! Ryback lands his Ninja Turtle move, what is it called? The Half-Shell? Some crap like that. Either way, the match is over. JoE begins tossing sardines into the awaiting Ryback’s mouth as he claps his flippers together in joy! Meanwhile, Shamu dies in captivity.

– Backstage, Del Rio lays out Orton. I enjoy this.

– Del Rio talks on the microphone about his attack. I can’t believe JoE tried to steal his car during this segment. Who am I kidding, I’d do the same thing… Maybe I was too hard on Unmixed-Strawberry Yogurt…. nah. No, I wasn’t.

Probably a random leak. But I do expect Rock to behead Drew McIntyre with his sword stating, “There can only be one.”

* Randy Orton vs. Big Show. Great. This is the mainevent? Ugghh…. JoE is seen holding up a sign saying “Fuck This Shit.” He is allowed to keep the sign for the entire duration of this match. In fact they keep panning the camera back to it through out the bout. This match is terrible. Big Show is using some move where he clutches part of Orton’s lower-chest with his fist. Looks lame. Needs more flippy floppy crap. Even a punch to the heart is better than this crap. I FFW through the rest of this match. Orton hits an RKO out of nowhere, but Show hits his chokeslam and sends Orton off to Vancouver to film his movie. Post match, he lands the WMD to ensure the robotic one is off our TV for a good while (let’s hope). Show versus Sheamus in HitC. I don’t want to pay for that crap.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

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Survivor Naut G Has Returned to Wonderpod!

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Yes, folks. It’s true, it’s damn true. For the remainder of 2012 on wonderpodonline.com, the Survivor Naut G series is back for action-packed, hilarity with special collaborators Chris and Andrew Lloyd as well as some special surprises! While the gents discuss video games, the radio mini-series will invade weekly to poise a question during the adventures that ensue. Some one dies too. Who will it be?

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LEAVE YOUR WRESTLING FEEDBACK FOR BWF RADIO!

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That’s right smarks, marks, Little Jimmys and the like. You can now leave your audio rants and ravings and we will try to play it online. Keep in mind, we are trying to keep it clean. So do your best to avoid the language that offends people easily offended. I make a concerted effort to not call the product fucking shit ass bitch cock cunts. You can too. See? This is not on the air.

Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-220-8949. Or, coincidentally, 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “G” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even stalk you! Hey, free stalker! It’s a win-win situation, right?

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

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Shameless Plugs!

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Bored Hockey Fan is by the fans for the fans and delivers content related to hockey in any forms. We encourage similar minded people to contact us and represent their team’s POV, while retaining the rights to their work.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.