In an effort to acknowledge all videogames that truly deserve (and totally ridicule those that don’t), I have chosen to go forth and highlight some fighting games. And by that, I mean 1 on 1, 3 on 3, or whatever. Not that beat-em-up, brawler, or hack n slash stuff. Not that it’s bad, mind you, but fighting games operate on a different principle. Strategy! Combos! Finishers! Flashy stuff! Badass music and sound effects! Special moves! And yes…even button mashing…for those of us that just don’t give a damn.

Since this will be my first official entry, I’m not going to take it too terribly seriously, BUT YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD ACTUALLY. Today I will be highlighting…

ART OF MOTHERFUCKING FIGHTING AND PUNCHING BABIES 3!!1

…okay, so I may have exaggerated a bit.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “GUN SAGE WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME.” But that is not the lesson to be learned today! Art of Fighting 3 is an incredible game about 2 people beating the CRAP out of each other because WHO CARES! It also has great graphics, music, animation, combos, special moves, a taunt system, and the computer totally cheats actually!

“LOOK AT THIS FUDGENIPPLE. I’M GOING TO PUNCH HIM IN THE DICK WITH MY MANLY ARMS TODAY.” – probably the guy on the left

I’m putting a lot of pictures in here because I don’t have much to say but I wanted to highlight this game because it is fun and DON’T ASK ME WHY BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW, I just like it. I usually pick the shirtless dude because he has this really awesome combo you can do to wreck opponents UNLESS YOU’RE PLAYING THE COMPUTER OR SOME GUY WHO BUTTON MASHES WHICH IS VERY CHEAP ACTUALLY.

Denim Girl vs. Wang. *Snicker*…”Wang.”

Oh yeah! This game, incorporating the super awesome Neo Geo…uhh…technology…or something…was also able to zoom in and out slightly without looking like crap, despite it only being sprites and stuff! It was pretty awesome. You should totally play this game. Or you can even watch this video too which I don’t know how to embed correctly because I suuuuuuck!

“Those khakis are…really tight, aren’t they.”

Hey, and you can also perform really awesome super moves, super combos, etc. alongside your already fairly whoop ass moves. You can also throw AND trip. Tripping’s kinda cool because basically you time it to where they lean in with a move, then TRIP, flat on their fucking face. Plus, you can do down moves, roll in various directions from a down position, and do various evasive maneuvers.

I’m seeing double. Four Robert-Garcia’s!

In any case, I’m surprised you’re not playing this game RIGHT NOW. You can play as one of many characters including shirtless guy, some dude named Wang (ROFLMAO), Denim Girl, Ken Masters, Antonio Banderas, other shirtless guy who’s kinda bigger and stuff, Probably Not a Police Officer Guy, Mr. Saturday Night, some kinda gypsy pirate or something, Obligatory Little Girl, and probably others!

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS OH GOD I’VE RUN OUT OF THINGS TO TYPE.