Hi folks this is Matt B. here to go over Impact for Thursday. Why? You say. We’ll tonight features a Knockout Title Match..wait for it…as the Main Event of the show. So I got down and dirty and beat Pintnoir to the punch since he’s busy with family and what not. So not only will we see The Women’s Sufferage Movement move forward to the 21th century, (because well there still behind Chikara when it comes to featuring powerhouse female talent.) JoshiMania anyone. Welcome to Impact Dec. 29th

We recap with the firing of the Jarretts and the ascension of Madison Rayne as Karen Jarretts successor. Cutting back to the Impact Zone in struts Rayne and her co tag team partner and current Knockout title holder Gail Kim. She quickly calls out Tara and Tessmacher.

“Lets get this over with before we catch any diseases that you two have.”-Rayne

“I’ll take the diseases.”-Random fan

Touche sir, Touche.

Madison fires TNT for what happened last week (For a peek look at pintnoirs review from last week.) Sting’s music hits and Madison looks to be sweating bullets until out steps Steve Borden. The slightly off kilter alter ego of Sting. With Rayne’s assurance that she has everything under control, Steve chimes in that she has no power.

“Madison, it ain’t over till I say its over.” -Steve

“(screeching) “Its over”-Madison Rayne

Steve proceeds to mock Madison and her screeching ways. And informs Gail Kim that she has a match tonight against Mickie James. Roll the obligatory walk on the ramp from the challenger.

Steiner and Abyss have a pep talk in the back. Abyss tells Scott that they are partners.

Wild Card Tag Team Tournament is next. AJ and Kazarian (The Man on the Back of the Milk Carton) vs Steiner and Abyss

A really well worked match. Especially from Where’s waldo Kazarian who proceeds to hit Abyss with a barrage of back elbow, drop kicks and finishes with a swinging ddt to take the monster down. Eventually all is revealed when Abyss calls in Steiner and Black hole slams him. Making sure to pull Kaz on top for the win. Afterwards Bully Ray comes down to the ring accusing Abyss of being a bully.

“Your the bully, Abyss” – Bully Ray

Abyss wants Ray at Genesis in a Monsters Ball match. If Ray wins Abyss will rejoin Immortal no questions asked.

You have to love Immortal’s recruitment practices. Speaking of Immortal, Ric Flair is backstage with Gunner both are in front of an ambulance. Flair proceeds to sell Gunner as a badass and Gunner quotes himself “killer”

Best of Three series Zema Ion vs Tony Nese w/ Austin Aries on guest commentary

Did I forget that its a contract on a pole match. Yes its a contract on a pole match. King of the Mountain, Steel Asylum, and Destination X matches are too confusing for audiences so lets dumb it down to a contract on a pole match? Thank you Vince Russo, Hogan, and Bischoff. That was for Pintnoir.

This time Zema doesn’t come out with a spray can but a knitted scarf? while Nese comes out looking rather propless again for the second week in a row.

I wonder who is going to win.

Zema Ion pulls off the victory after dumping Nese out of the ring onto the railing. Lack of commentary from Aries makes me wonder what he thinks.

Douglas Williams former  TV Title Holder and two time tag team champion. Now he is jobbing for Gunner who is now a “Killer”. Match is short to prove a point. Gunner pushes referee young Hebner resulting in his disqualifacation. Gunner redoes his greatest hits when he DDT’s Williams whom I assume is going to Ohio Valley Wrestling on the bare concrete.

Robert Roode and his family comments play out. Roode struts to the ring and calls out his best friend from the tapes. Tracy Kalesky former Lacrosse player, wrestling plant, confronts Roode and says that he doesnt’ recognize his best friend. You know because six years ago when he was part of team (heel) Canada and later Robert Roode, money man with secertary Ms Brooks he was a nice guy. Even when Beer Money first formed they were a heel team. But I digress, he attacks his friend until Jeff Hardy runs out for the rescue.

ODB and EY have a meeting backstage about strategy. Which should of went something like this, “I leave you in the ring OD and since Spike TV doesn’t allow male on female violence we can just stall until you can kick whoever in the balls like last week.” “Good plan Eric, I love you and that Canadian redbeard”

But instead Eric says rapid tags to stay fresh while the other team tires out. So what we end up having is a unimpressive match where Samoa Joe looks ready to walk. Magnus attempts at flirting or as I call it sexual harassment which ODB returns in kind. This is before she socks him one. And they start some mock makeout slash wrestling. This of course infuriates Eric who disrobes and wrestles Magnus. After some stilted wrestling Magnus runs in and throws ODB into the ring post that Eric is standing on causing him to ball bust. Joe runs in with the muscle buster for the win.

So much for Male on Female violence huh Spike.

Kurt Angle vs RVD-a cautious match turns into a real good set up until you realise it will advance story and Kurt is super kicked leaving RVD disqualified so Rob loses but still looks good and then it cuts to a promo that seemed to be taped sometime later that is played immediatedly after where Kurt and RVD seem disappointed their match ended the way it did. This plays even though Kurt is layed out in the ring.

On to the Main Event. Jeremy Borash does the announcing. The best part is where Jeremy says. “This is for the Knockouts “Ladies” Championship”

Just incase you didn’t know. The man event is fast and furious between Gail Kim and Mickie James. Reversals and top rope manuevers, even the filtering in of crowd noise contrasted with no reaction from crowd. Mickie no sold the noise when she did her “come on” scream to get the crowd back into the match. Then after what appears to almost be a clear finish a women in a goblin mask runs in and does the Rayne drop to Mickie, allowing Gail to pin her for he win.

Next week Pintnoir will be back but for now I’m Matt B. Wrestle, signing off.