And here we are… the fallout from the Survivor Series PPV on Sunday… yeah. A new Heavyweight Champion is crowned tonight? Really? Let’s hop to it, shall we?

Big props to Al Creed for sending this one my way, and what a better sentiment to represent the WWE’s current fetish?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

G’s podcast recommendation! This week is the first episode of BWF radio which was released last Tuesday. Click here.

– So I did some trolling over at the WWE facebook page on Sunday. It was all inspired by that animated gif Al Creed sent my way earlier that begins our post… I managed to get the first and second posts on two of the most important news flashes they sent out. Here’s one:

I can’t wait until the WWE crowds start chanting “Die, Twitter, Die.”

– Mark Henry kicks off the show by coming out to the ring in street clothes and on one crutch. He’s selling the chair based injury at the hands of Big Show at Survivor Series. “Who does this kind of stuff?” he asks, “This is not the treatment that a world champion deserves!” Henry looks disgusted with the crowd reaction and the situation he’s selling. He’s out here to show that a champion fights through injury and pain, and the doctors will not clear him to compete. A little foreshadowing? Yep. Cue up Big Show, who enters also in street clothes with giant grin. See Show notes that Henry kicking him in the groin was a way of preventing losing his title. Big Show knocks out Mark Henry with a solid fist to the head…

Sometimes I like the fact that it is cold up North in Canada so things like this can’t survive. I’ll take angry beavers any day of the week.

– Mark Henry lies motionless in the ring… DANIEL BRYAN’S MUSIC HITS, and he runs in with a referee, cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase, and THEN PINS MARK HENRY AND IS ANNOUNCED AS YOUR NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!! Everyone is happy… for about 90 seconds. Then Teddy Long comes out and tells us that since Henry was not cleared to wrestle, the win does NOT COUNT! Long returns the briefcase to Bryan and the title to Henry. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Teddy Long gives Bryan a fatal fourway match against Rhodes, Barrett, and Orton in which the winner will face Henry for the title on Smackdown next week LIVE ON TUESDAY. So I guess that means I have to work for BWF and WPO on Tuesday next week. FUCK!

You may never see this again… so enjoy.

– *Justin Gabriel vs Hunico in a “We’re Not Sure What To Do With These Guys Match (applies mostly to Hunico since Sin Cara is on the shelf for at least 6 months injured).” Both men come across really solid here, and one neat spot features Gabriel landing a Shining Wizard and then a springboard top rope (middle of the rope, mind you) 180 splash. But it’s not enough, as Hunico reverses moments later into a Swanton.

– More evidence of trolling, you ask? Sure, here was my shining asshole moment:

This time, G wins. First comment, best sentiment.

– *Natalya and Beth Phoenix vs A.J. and Kaitlyn. Not much here, Natalya more or less repeats her Sharpshooter of Contortion on A.J. for the win. Rhianna joins commentary, and nary a soul watching at home could give a shit in the slightest. Beth tells us it’s “Crying Time” as repetition of the flexibility spot is reworked. That chick defies chiropractors and physical therapists… wow! I can’t remember which stand-up comedian ranted about dating a gymnast and thought it would be the best sex ever with the girl spinning around and doing flips on his dick, only to be disappointed. So even my inner-pervert doesn’t find this element interesting. I’m just more impressed she can walk after these spots. Crazy shit. It beats the fucked up Impact angle we saw last night where Karen Jarrett-Angle forced the Knockouts to wrestle in lingerie, even though most of them wore even more than they usually do, but felt that this was a degrading spot. While A.J.’s back remains intact, that TNA segment broke my brain. Pintnoir’s review of Impact Wrestling is here.

Finally, an end to animal/human segregation in drinking establishments.

– Speaking of porn and weird sex, a Teddy Long segment is shown that tells us Mick Foley will be hosting the live Smackdown next week… then Aksana enters and leaves really quickly. Henry is pissed about tonight, and questions why he is competing next week… he is feeling like he is being picked in. Henry is even more upset when he finds out that the title match will be in a steel cage.

– Cut to Zack Ryder playing WWE 2012… standing up. WHO THE FUCK PLAYS GAMES STANDING UP THAT ARE NOT MOTION CONTROL? Sheamus enters, they joke around a bit even though Ryder sings terribly… whatever, it was entertaining as Sheamus fucks with his head, and finishes off Ryder’s “Woo, woo, woo!” with an Irish “You know it.”

The hell with Orton’s dropkick, this horse is WAY more entertaining.

– *Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler vs Sheamus and Zack Ryder. Prematch, Ziggler hits the microphone about being double victorious on a double appearance (and on a second consecutive PPV, actually). “The Ryder Revolution has take the WWE Universe by storm,” Josh Matthews tells us. Cole then shits on Ryder about being supported Twitter by Twitter internet Twitter nerds Twitter. Great start with Sheamus needing to enlist Ryder to help as the Broski makes sure Dolph Ziggy Ziggler isn’t going to be dominating the Great White Hope anytime soon. And unlike that shit match on RAW with Ryder (or the lack of the WWE recognizing the Gardens chants demanding he appear), they give this bout a second segment. The “geeks” are LOUD and CHEERING as Ryder pummels Swagger as the commercial break ends. Funny, I don’t see anyone biting the head off of a chicken here. But I do see Swagger beating on Sheamus after a tag. WAIT, WHAT? 🙂 Sheamus eventually gets his Guinness on, and hot tags the Long Island Iced-Z, and a fist pump with the crowd allows him to land a sick looking prone kick to Daffy Duck’s head in the corner rope. Heel tactics are not enough for our Internet Darling, and Ziggler can’t seem to put away Ryder! “Downtime” or “Restholds” (You decide!) ensue as Ziggler and Swagger isolate Zack. Even after Swagger holds a suspended Ryder so Ziggler can fame-ass him, Ryder kicks out! FUCK YES! He’s like Mickey Whipwreck! Kick out, after kick out, there’s no stopping Skynet. Sheamus eventually makes it in, but not as the legal man, and it sets up RYDER TO FUCKING FINALLY LOOK STRONG AS HE FUCKS UP ZIGGLER’S SHIT AND WINS!

– Watch the match, dammit. It’s worth a look. Most starts here (but use the user posts to find the start):

– Danial Bryan is consoled by A.J. backstage until Barrett interrupts and tells him he has no chance of winning tonight. Bryan notes to Barrett that he is not intimidate by this Barrett Barrage garbage and that neither of them have won a title. Barrett leaves, A.J. kisses Bryan and leaves, and Bryan shakes his head wondering whatever happened to Gail Kim, I guess.

– *Ted Dibiase vs Heath Slater. Dibiase is rocking a really awkward looking mustache. Mo-vember maybe? Jinder Mahal appears on the Trinatron speaking in mixed English/Punjabi about Dibiase abandoning his family and fortune or some shit. I lose interest immediately even though my fellow Calgarian, Jinder Mahal is involved. Meh. Heath Slater takes this time to consider who he will attempt to rape in the audience. Cole calls Slater the “Axl Rose” of the WWE. The story here is that Dibiase doesn’t want to rely on his family’s money I guess. Maybe this was developed on Superstars? Don’t know, don’t care… FFW. Dibiase hits the Dreamstreet for the pin and win.

Ninjas have nothing on Ezio. More interesting than the last match too, so there’s that.

– We cut to the newly changed, knee-pad wearing, Cody Rhodes chatting it up with Matt Striker. Rhodes addresses tossing water into the face of Booker T on Raw past Monday, and that this was his match… but he looked over and saw, “the disparaging, mocking look on [Booker’s] face, and I did something about it. The thing about losing the mask, is that I’m free…” and then goes on to talk about tonight’s #1 contender match. Cody tells us he can dig that, sucker. Then walks off chuckling in what feels a little forced. And with that… it’s main event time folks (I think), and it looks like this will be a 1/2 hour match! FUCK YES!

Charles Barkley @G: “I’m boycotting every store in the U.S. for this Black Friday thing… racists.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Well, it’s an economics term… ahh, the hell with it, we’ve got this sickness emerging in Canada now too… You’re right Charles.”

– * FATAL FOURWAY: Daniel (former-not-a-champion) Bryan vs Cody Rhodes vs Wade Barrett vs Randy (YAWN) Orton. Lot’s of time taken for ring entrances. D’ohh…

Instant handicapped match.

– We get a commercial break as Orton and Bryan stand around in the ring for the live crowd for two minutes. Then we return, thank god. Million Dollar Man, Matt Hardy Fact# 19: Bryan Daniels Beard Grows Longer during this segment. Not to be confused with “Vince Russo Watches His Beard Grow” which is an archived awesome section of the BWF. There are TWO funny articles by Pintnoir over at that site you need to go read. Everything descends into chaos as the heels and faces just don’t care who is good or bad. All are targets, and that makes this match worth watching. Booker T relentlessly calls Mark Henry a “grizzly bear” throughout this match. I’ve seen those creatures live, and in person, as well as Mark Henry… I disagree. Evil Kool-Aid Man would not enjoy sparring off with a grizzly bear. Yes, I understand that wrestlers have fought tamed bears historical. No, even the world’s strongest man would get his sexual chocolate fucked up by one of those bears that roam the Rocky Mountains of Canada.

Awkward… this chocolate tastes like grizzly bear!

– This match is pretty awesome. Why? Because it’s given lots of time, and tells many little stories within. When was the last time we saw a 30 minute match on Smackdown?

– Sports highlights tell me that the Columbus Bluejackets beat the Buffalo Sabres 5 -1 tonight. ThinkSoJoE, what the fuck? The Bluejackets? Brutal. Umm… I’m sure he enjoyed his retail torture on this day historically, but that’s cruel and unusual punishment for my brother from another mother.

– Back to the match, and everyone is attacking everyone. AND I LOVE IT! No one seems to have the upper hand as the four continue to kill each other in and outside the ring, in a variety of two-on-twos. I’d swear they are feeling out the crowd to see who gets the most heat and shine. This my friends, IS a wrestling match by result. Just go fucking watch it and don’t deprive yourself of something done right. I will post the finish after the Micheal Cole animated gif.

Enjoy this match while you can. Start the first video at the 8:30 mark, smark.

The rest of the match:

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

– Finish: Daniel Bryan submits Cody Rhodes! Next Tuesday LIVE, Bryan will face Mark Henry for the World Title.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Three Sites!

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A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan! I highly recommend checking out the BWF!

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.