Another Thursday, and a whole lot more suffering for the G. See last week Kurt Angle trespassed a whole bunch, which was a wee bit of an overkill… expect more Karen Angle-Jarrett tonight! Also, Abyss was MURDERED literally by Crimson (the Amazing Red’s little brother) via “Janice” (Abyss’ nail-laced two by four). Crimson promised “They” are coming, even though “They” already came in the form of Immortal. Oww… my brain already hurts, and the show hasn’t even started yet…

– And we’re off…

TNA style!

NEWS!

-For those of you that are NFL fans, you might get a kick out of this. TNA is teasing something that will never happen asking, “Ochocinco vs. Coach Lewis at Lockdown?” This all stems from a post on Twitter by Ochocinco, who wrote, “Me and Marvin Lewis in a cage match, set it up, I’ve earned my stripes on my helmet it’s time to fight then play.” This was in response to a tweet by Adam Schefter of ESPN. What I will give credit to TNA here for, is capitalizing on the Superbowl buzz to draw attention to itself. Too bad for them, Ochocinco won’t be there as his team got trounced by the Jets… and is making a name for himself as a heel. Is this for the right reasons? No. But I’d be a hypocrite, since I just did the same thing by including this in my review, as well as the searchable tags section of this post.

– Onto the suffering!!!

– Tonight’s episode is entitled, “Crimson Sees Red.”

– Kurt Angle starts off the show… Kurt says he wanted to take the high road, but Karen and Jeff chose to make that impossible. Then he addresses his retirement, and while he states he’s honored that promise. He’s merely unlawfully entered the building, I suppose… huh? No, he’s coming back out of retirement with the crowds’ blessing… they bless him, so he will come back one more time to face Jarrett.

– Cue Eric Bischoff and most of Immortal/Fortune. Easy-E tells him to forget about it. Angle had his run, but Eric will facilitate an ass-kicking, sending the heel factions to the ring… As they work Kurt, Crimson makes the save with a baseball bat! Ric Flair flips out! “HEY! HEY! HEY!” he screams…

Which in turn made me immediately think of…

“Hey you dumbass!” he begins… Flair reminds us he’s a god, taking off his jacket, screaming at Angle. Flair says Angle is going to wrestle tonight! He’ll face Jarrett tonight! While Jarrett and Karen protest, Flair explains he’s got all of the mob… HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!!!! FLAIR CAN’T REMEMBER THE BODYGUARDS’ NAMES GUNNER…. “and his pal!” FUCKING AWESOME MICROPHONE BOTCH!! (Caps locks courtesy of Al Creed). Epic microphone fail, but only Flair can make that awesome….

Watch the botch here (this might only be available at the wonderpodonline version of this, depending on the plugins at the site you are viewing this article):

Telly-Tv.com – TNA iMPACT – 27/1/11 Part 1 (HQ)
Uploaded by NAMAAJ. – Full seasons and entire episodes online.

– * Mickie James and The Beautiful People vs. Sarita, Madison Rayne and Tara

– Hey it’s Velvet Sky! Rules are rules… You know what that means! It means a shoutout to PatMan of the Wonderpod podcast!:

Another one for the FPS master of wonderpod… yeah, he’s fast on the trigger… maybe too fast?

– While the Beautiful People are on their way out, Winter (Katie Burchill) is all clingy and told to chill out backstage, which shows her have a hissy fit shortly thereafter. This is apparently an elimination match. Things start ok, at best. Nothing too special. Not horrible either. Pat’s fav Velvet is eliminated by Sarita, the latter who shines amongst all involved. Mickie James also suffers the same feet to Sarita, leaving only Angelina amongst the faces. Madison Rayne must be out too, I dunno. Missed that part…

– COMMERCIALS! AWESOME!!!

FFW right through that crap!

– The rest is kind of meh… Tara and Sarita attempt to be heeltastic, but to no avail. Angelina Love finds a way to eliminate both heels for the win.

– Cue to Angle talking to someone on the phone about whether they’re in town, and speeding up the process. Hence, the Main Event Mafia will debut tonight, in some form or capacity. Likely we will see Steiner? He’s the only confirmed signing…

– Some Internet Guy cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson in relation to his brother losing the title to the repeated named champion. They’ll square off later… but until then…

– * Max Buck vs. The Amazing Red vs. Chris Sabin for the number one contenders match for Kaz’s X-Division title. Kaz joins commentary. I expect this to be good. Sabin and Red get to cut old-school style promo’s as they enter the ring (previously taped), to which Kaz promptly shits on! NICE! That’s how you generate heat. Max Buck starts off hiding briefly and allows the other two to beat each other up. Excellent! The match delves into true athleticism, with highspots aplenty. It’s truly a match worth watching. If the people on commentary, specifically those PAID to call the play-by-play can’t keep up, lord knows I can’t. This was awesome. Two things. First:

Show stolen. X-Division exhibits all that is worth watching in wrestling this week… other than the Daniel Bryan versus Ted Dibiase matchup on NXT available here, courtesy of G. WWE NXT 01/25/2011: Wait… What? Watchable?

Also, I recommend watching this match here, and start at the 3:30 mark, smark.:

Telly-Tv.com – TNA iMPACT – 27/1/11 Part 3 (HQ)
Uploaded by NAMAAJ. – Classic TV and last night's shows, online.
Telly-Tv.com is a sweet hookup for wrestling. Support them. Also, update your pluggins websites I post at, update indeed!

– Velvet Sky was apparently attacked by Winter backstage as the vignette with her and Angelina tells us… Velvet tells Love if she can’t handle her Snuffleupagus stalker, Sky will take her out herself.

– Some video package is FFW’d through… I’m getting sleepy… maybe I will dream of imaginary friends?

FFW right through that crap!

– Jeff Hardy, brother of Some Internet Guy, is out to let us know that stock in face paint remains safe regardless of whether he has that turrible looking belt now possessed by Mr. Anderson. Actually, he just berates the crowd for all his work not being appreciated by the stupid marks in the crowd. He takes credit for doing the right thing at the last PPV, Genesis (losing the belt? WTF?). Hardy is hardly coherent here… Mr. Anderson comes out to hopefully save this segment. Why does Jeff Hardy look like a hunter zombie from the Left 4 Dead series?

I think I will have to guilt-trip the wonderpod-online crew into playing this puppy again. Love the series.

– “You sure do piss and moan a lot, don’t yah? Bitch, bitch, bitch! You sound like Charlie Brown’s Mom! Wah wah wah wah wah!” Awesome. Anderson notes that regardless of all the BS he puts him through, the crowd still loves him. Etc. I enjoyed this segment. Then we cut to Crimson who blah blah blah, They, February 3rd, etc. Abyss is out indefinitely since he is DEAD.

– PatMan must be in heaven, as Velvet Sky is out AGAIN! Calling Winter a bitch, she demands answers to why Winter thinks she can show out up of nowhere… calls her out. Enter Big Bird’s imaginary friend. Velvet immediately attacks her, and we get our weekly Knockout impromptu brawl! Angelina comes out attempting to garner peace to no avail. The backstory continues.

Pictured above: The next Mick Foley?

– My Pope, your Pope, OUR Pope, D’Angelo Dinero will address the congregation. Fuck I love this guy. More Samoa Joe and his hidden camera man storyline. Pope, leans slightly to the heel side of things, telling us he will do things none of us would do. He will lead by example, and confess to some of his errors. Fuck, this was an entertaining bit! Pope tells us he is better than all of us, but the crowd only kind of boos. They know our messiah is correct? Regarding Samoa Joe, Pope notes, “Who goes around in modern day society saying he’s going to kill you?” Brilliant. Next week we will be treated to “Confessions With the Pope” where someone from the crowd will be invited into the ring to confess… if TNA is smart, they will build this weekly into Joe being in the crowd.

– Flair pumps up the Fortune/Immortal crew, including “his pal.” They leave, then Eric Young shows up with the belt he found in the trash over a month ago claiming to be the champ. Flair says fuck that, berates him… commercials.

Mackey got it wrong.

– We see a clip segment reminding us of the debacle of the “They” segment the first time around. Dixie and her signing of the power control contract to get rid of Abyss (who is currently dead), and Immortal taking over… then the court injunction, etc. Fuck. Live via telephone is Dixie Carter. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO WATCH EIGHT MILLION STORIES IN TWO HOURS? Please tell me in the comment section so I can kill myself in peace. She talks for ten seconds about appearing next week. Meh. Eric Bischoff talks about Carter drinking her own Kool-Aid… I’m losing patience…

– * Non-Title Match: Mr. Anderson {C} vs. Matt Hardy “Some Internet Guy” Not going to even attempt to recap this. I am burnt the fuck out. What I will note, is that Some Internet Guy works Anderson’s left shoulder to at least present the idea of psychology. Good. Still it’s ridiculously short, and after Andeson WINS, Jeff Hardy and his brother attack the champion for a bit… enter RVD for the save.

This dude refers to himself as “Mr. G”. Looks like a bunch of distraction and non-content to me. I’d bet he’ll work out fine in TNA.

– * Kurt Angle & Crimson vs. Beer Money, Kaz, Rob Terry, Gunner and Murphy “his pal”

Charles Barkley @G: “That Flair microphone botch earlier reminds me of the time the TNT crew fucked me over with the teleprompter…”

G @Charles Barkley: “Really? How? Flair is known for NOT using a script, he just fucked up.”
(Again, Barkley’s video might only be available at the wonderpodonline version of this Plug-in updates are crucial, BTW, Actually.

– BACK TO THE SHOW! Angle shows up with the “Crimson” guy. He’s against six guys representing Immortal/Fortune. Shit ensues, but after a cool spot by Rob Terry, Gunner, and his pal who simulataneously apply a foot-choke with Angle in the corner, Jeff Jarrett and his wife come down. The referee is out cold, and it’s seemingly sheer beatdown. The referee Jackson James (the fuckup guy) runs out and counts a three on Angle FTW! Angle lies prone as the heels heeltastically enjoy the carnage…

My Spider-sense no longer tingles…. yawn….

– Matt Morgan runs out… late for the party, but the numbers game quickly takes out the Carbon Footprint. Then the lights go out, and the siren hits. See, I told you. It’s Scott Steiner with a kendo-stick (I think, can’t identify the weapon of choice). The heels run away as the man with the steroid-induced-muscle-within-a-muscle clears the ring…

– The TNA logo comes up, and I’m out.

———————————————————-

This iMPACT Review Appears on Three Sites!
Check all of them out…

———————————————————–

Bored Wrestling Fan
A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan

Wonderpod Online

The official home of Wonderpod, and an assortment of content ranging from all things wide and far… depending on what the author’s feel like writing about. A home for reviews, commentary, pop culture, and fiction just to start. Always worth a look.

BTW, Actually
These reviews started off in a place called Project Wonderboy, a site that shares the name with it’s original founder, “whatever.” But this incarnation was under the Morphine Nation banner. That site is now evolved with all it’s original members at BTW, Actually. This place is all about challenging censorship and political correctness in an intelligent way.

———————————————————-

Shameless Plugs!

———————————————————–

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.